Bella Vida

Married for 6 years. Trying to have a baby almost as long. Living a Beautiful Life.

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Location: Maryland, United States

Married & Trying to have a baby for almost 4 years. Dealing with MF (male factor infertility).

Sunday, September 30, 2007


I remember there were times when I was a little girl that my grandmother would cry because she missed her mother, who had died when my mother was young, which was many years before I was born. As a child, whenever I saw her crying because she missed her mother, I just couldn't understand. I thought it was strange that something that happened so long ago could still bring her to tears. It wasn't until she died that I finally understood. It wasn't until I lost someone so close to me that I got it. It wasn't until I found myself still crying for her long after she was gone.

I don't think you can understand the pain of infertility unless you've experienced it. You can sympathize, you can feel sorry for, but you can't understand it.

I'm re-posting this cuz its been that kind of weekend:

Somebody Said......* written by Unknown

Somebody said "Just adopt; you'll get pregnant." This somebody doesn't know how it feels to try to figure out where to get the money for an adoption.

Somebody said "If it is meant to be, it will happen." This somebody never cried walking past the diaper section at the grocery store.

Somebody said "You've got more time to spend together--be thankful." This somebody never stayed up until two in the morning arguing about ovulation charts.

Somebody said "Just relax and it will happen." Somebody never had their doctor tell them that after the age of 30, chances of becoming pregnant decrease significantly.

Somebody said "You shouldn't complain about something that you can't control." This somebody never wondered whose eyes and hair color the baby would have and then never found out.

Somebody said " You have more time to get a better education now." Somebody doesn't know what a short luteal phase is or what polycystic ovarian syndrome is or an irregular cycle or what male factor is.

Somebody said "You cant miss something you never had." This somebody doesn't know what its like to cry him or herself to sleep in an empty nursery.

Somebody said "You should try reading some books; there's got to be something else you can try." This somebody never tried standing on her head or drinking cough syrup when she's not sick.

Somebody said "Take one of my kids, I don't need them all." This somebody never tried to adopt, only to have the birth mother change her mind.

Somebody said "I'd sell everything I owned to get kids if I had to." This somebody never had to.

Somebody said "The hardest part of not having kids is not getting the tax deduction." This somebody never started her period at a baby shower.

Somebody said "A career is more important than being a mother." This somebody never wanted to be a mom.

Somebody said "If you don’t have kids, you're not missing anything." This somebody never went through infertility.

*I got this from another blog that has since gone PWP. I have no idea where it originated. If you know where this came from originally, please let me know so I can give credit.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Ramen & bracelets

I first had ramen noodles on a cruise. They were on the 24-hour room service menu and a wonderful treat at 2am. My favorite flavor is "Oriental." Recently I've been craving them so the next week will be noodle-filled. While D is away the cook is on vacation. I didn't really cook until I met him and decided to learn. Now I enjoy doing it. For. Him. Maybe I'll do a pizza on my stone. Maybe. Ooo, I may do some cupcakes too. What's better than ramen and buttercream icing?

I mailed out the last of the bracelets today. Everyone that has requested one has been mailed one. From the US to Canada to England to South Africa! Infertility Awareness is going global! If for some reason you requested one and don't receive it--please let me know.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Dh is leaving

On a jet plane...for 9-days! I'm very sad he's gone. This is the longest we've been away from each other since we met six years ago, so I'm really going to miss him. However, this is the 1st time in 3-years that we will have absolutely no chance of getting pregnant!! I'm giddy. Isn't that silly? There will be no devil sticks--ovulation or pg--of any kind. Wow. I was sad at first, but then relieved. We officially have the month off from TTC. What will I do with myself?

As for what's next, I'm making yet another appointment with a new RE. We're due for a new SA and want to try an un-medicated IUI. Yes, we know our chances--but we're doing it anyway. I'm not sure which RE we're going to pick for the IUI. Choices, choices, choices. Since D will have to provide a sample for the IUI which will be analyzed, we'll kill 2 procedures at once. Then on to lovely IVF. Not sure if it's going to be NC-IVF (natural cycle), MS-IVF (minimum stimulation) or regular IVF. Decisions, decisions, decisions. We're also thinking about beginning the adoption process as well. Although I'm very nervous about it. I see lots of potential adoptive parents have Websites and monthly agency fees--wow. We're considering foreign adoption. Anyway, as you can see--there's lots of baby convo going on around our home. Which is a lot better than the usual of me crying and saying nothing is wrong.

I'm so glad you guys are receiving your bracelets!! And then posting about it makes this even more wonderful :) Spreading the word is a wonderful thing!

Can anyone guess what city D is in from the pic above?

Saturday, September 22, 2007


For those of you in the DC area, we're having another get together this Sunday. If you're interested, please stop by LJ's blog to leave your info and get more details!

9/23, 11am-2:30
La Madeleine

11858 Rockville Pike, Rockville 20852
Rockville Pike & Montrose
TEL: 301-984-2270

See you Sunday!!

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Another food post

I'm finding these fun for some odd reason. I'm not sure why. Last night was mac and cheese night. Another winner from Melissa I'm so glad to hear you are now addicted lol! Again, I love this site b/c of the feedback. I read what others have recommended and I make adjustments. I also look for recipes with the highest ratings/most reviews.

Warning: This one is NOT for the faint of heart. Or those on a diet or with any kind of cholesterol issues.

Four Cheese Macaroni and Cheese

Now, in all honesty, I've never been a fan of Velveeta. However, this recipe calls for it and it helps make it delish! Creamy. I couldn't find the shredded versions of a couple of the cheeses, so I diced slices.

Yes, honey, it does indeed call for a stick of butter +. Like I said, if you're on a diet...

I think it's really important to season the pasta. I added herbs, salt and pepper. Whenever I say "herbs" I'm using one of those Italian herb blends. I use it in practically everything but my cereal.

Ready for the oven! I always sprinkle breadcrumbs on the top. I do love a crunch :)

Bubbling brown yummyness!!

Yes, it's dripping with cheese!

Everyone should be happy to learn I'm back on the sauce. Here's one of my favorites. It's made from the Muscadine grape and is produced in North Carolina by Duplin Winery.

Sunday, September 16, 2007

No mystery

It's cd1 and I tend to go into my hole at this point. Monthly. So yeah, that's all. I'm definitely going to be catching up on your blogs and commenting away the next few days :)

Anyway, I just finished reading 2, count 'em--TWO--books on infertility. The first I read was "Conception Chronicles" by three friends Patty, Shelly and Courtney. This book definitely has some humor to it, and in my humble opinion, is mostly geared toward couples that are 6-months to 1-year into TTC unsuccessfully. Or for those that have been trying longer than that and have not seen a doctor or reproductive endocrinologist. So yeah, I'm 3-years, 2 gyno's, 3 urologists, and 3 RE's into this freakin' mess of the millennium. I got the basics totally covered.

The other book I read was Jenna's book, "The Empty Picture Frame." I love this book. It really is a testament to exactly what you go through when dealing with IF. Totally honest and accurate. Even though I haven't had an IUI or gone through IVF...yet, I could still totally relate to Jenna's struggle. I read her words and felt her pain as though it were my own. The book caused me to think deeply about IVF and ask what if it doesn't work? Like most of us, I never expected getting pregnant and having a baby would be this hard. We're taught as children that hard work equals success. IF isn't like that and eventually you learn that life doesn't owe you shit. Anyway, you can purchase Jenna's book through her Website. I highly recommend it. Plus, a portion 0f books sales goes to Infertility Support when you buy it through Jenna's Store.

Here's our* empty picture frame. It's been on our hallway wall for a couple of years now. Sad isn't it? And what's even sadder it that there is no guarantee there will ever be a picture in that empty spot.

*Pics of my husband and I as newborn babies in the hospital and in our cribs.

Saturday, September 15, 2007

Somewhere over the Rainbow

I just can't say much of anything. Blog ya next week sometime.

Sunday, September 09, 2007

Coming from my kitchen live

I'm so lazy!! I haven't wanted to cook (or really do anything) for the last couple of weeks. Imagine that. Also, I've given up booze and gained a few pounds. Yes, eating has replaced the little liquor habit. Maybe I need the booze to inspire me t0 cook? After all, I do tend to share with my pots and pans.* I dunno. D is happy I'm not sloshed in the evenings when he gets home. Whatever. cd24

I'm going to be mailing the free bracelets this week! Who-hoo! So look for them to arrive in a mailbox near you!

Today's meal**: Chicken Pot Pie

Here are the boiling peas, carrots and chicken. I put 2 chicken bouillon cubes in the water with lots of herbs and seasonings. I like my food to have lots of flavor, and I use the leftover stock in the recipe.

Instead of one whole chicken pot pie, I like to make individual ones. I used pie crusts with mini-loaf pans. This recipes makes exactly 3.

Here's the final. Eat in the pan or turn upside down on the plate to dump out contents. Yum!

UltimateJourney am I making you hungry again? :)

*Ummm...yeah, I added Marsala to this recipe :) But none for me...hmphhh.
**I get most of my recipes from I love it because people leave reviews and the reviews are soooo helpful; especially to someone like me that likes to tweak.

Friday, September 07, 2007

Worried for my friend *Updated*

Her first beta was 250 and then the 48hr beta was 260. Ughhh. Not good news. Her progesterone was 19--isn't that a little low? My progesterone after I ovulate hovers around 23, so 19 seems low to me for pregnancy? Shit.

*Her level dropped to 60. I'm so sad for her.

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

What do you say?

What do you say when someone asks "when are you going to have kids?" I had this happen to me at the post office this morning. D has a cousin that works at the post office. He said hello and then goes on to tell me about his 3rd son just born. I know he's happy and all, and to a "normal" person it probably wouldn't be a big deal, but he was talking to me. And then he goes and does it, "so when are you guys gonna get started?" To which I responded, "well, you know, not everyone can just pop 'em out like biscuits." His face kinda went limp and I could tell he didn't really know what to say. So my question is--what do you say?? How do you respond? Part of the point of Common Thread is to get more of a discussion going about infertility and to take the shame out of discussing it with non-infertiles. But can you do it? And how do you do it?

What's shakin' Cheesecake Factory has a new cake/torte--Lemoncello Torte. De-lish!!! It's ridiculously good. If you've ever had limoncello (which I've made using this recipe) it doesn't taste anything like it. More like lemon meringue. Anyway, run on out and score yourself a piece of this lovely sunshine.

One of my best friends called to tell me she is pregnant. I knew it was coming and I'm very happy for her, but of course, I'm sad at the same time. She's been trying for over a year and I mentioned her in this post on ovarian drilling. Turns out she ovulated on her own after a year+ of being on Clomi.d (which usually didn't work). Her RE discovered last year, almost immediately, she is hypo-thyroid* and put her on meds for it. Finally at HER insistence, he tested her again last month. Guess what--meds weren't helping the thyroid problem. Doc increases her dosage and BOOM! She ovulates and is now pregnant! Goes to show that you have to trust yourself and do your own research.

I'm so glad that you guys are responding the Free Infertility Bracelet offer. I really appreciate the kind comments and encouragement I've received as a result. I'm so happy to be doing something to support infertility awareness and my husband is wearing a bracelet too. Please keep the requests coming! I still have bracelets to give away!

Don't forget to include your address with your request so I know where to send your bracelet.

*BTW, she doesn't have weight issues like many hypothyroid patients. She's very tiny. Doc also diagnosed her with PCOS. Don't let your doctor tell you that you don't need to be tested because you don't fit the typical "mold."