Bella Vida

Married for 6 years. Trying to have a baby almost as long. Living a Beautiful Life.

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Location: Maryland, United States

Married & Trying to have a baby for almost 4 years. Dealing with MF (male factor infertility).

Saturday, June 30, 2007


I really think I need one. Yes, I know I just went to St. Maarten, but I need to get outta here. Shake it off. I'm experiencing moments of road rage. My car use to be my favorite place. I can scream songs for crying out loud. Pun intended. Now, I just get nuts and wanna hit people. Every little thing irritates the shit out of me. I seem to be turning into this moody person. I'm irritated quite often. I think I have a lot of unexpressed emotions and no outlet.

I have 2 doctors appointments on July 11. I finally found an OBGYN and I'm going to see my general doc. Unfortunately the the OB is a male--Dr. David Grossman in Germantown, MD. I prefer women docs, but I just want to get it over with and I didn't want to wait 2 months for a woman. Anyway, I plan to ask for a trans-vag ultrasound to check the fibroids. Which is the primary reason I'm going. I know I need to get a pap too.

OK--Freecycle is the best. With all our new furniture purchases, we had a few things we wanted to give away. The first person kinda flaked on me, but the very next morning someone else was ready to come get the stuff. Who-hoo.

As for what's next, I have no idea. We're in a bit of a disagreement. D wants to wait another 3-months for the meds to have more of a chance. From what I've read, it only takes 3-months to develop new sperm. We're going to go see the Urologist TOGETHER. I guess I'll have to make that appointment too.

Thank you all for your kind comments. Toady, I'm ok. Surviving. And I had Peruvian for lunch :)

I have lots of comments to make on quite a few blogs as I'm coming from under the rock. I promise to catch up. Annddd I'm going to contact everyone that is interested in helping with the Infertility Charity event.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007


Not good. His count is the same at 14 million. His motility is down to 36% and morphology is still 1%, but now he has 93% severe amorphous forms. Not good at all.

Monday, June 25, 2007


Today is The Great Cake Day! I was planning to make cupcakes, however, D surprised me with a cake on Friday night. So here it is:

Hubbs and I talked a lot this weekend about IF and how we're feeling. Sometimes I assume he's not affected by this whole nightmare I guess b/c he doesn't have diarrhea of the IF-mouth like I do. But he is hurt. He is sad. He is scared we won't be parents. He is scared he won't be a father. He is scared he won't get the chance to create a human life and teach him to be a better human being. It's strange how him showing his vulnerability makes me want to be stronger for both of us. So, this is cake dedicated to D. Besides, he ate most of it anyway :)

I still know nothing about his results. Will update when I do.

Friday, June 22, 2007

Today is the day *Updated below*

D has an appointment with the urologist and we should/will get his SA results. Today is the day. His appointment is at 2pm and we're meeting for late lunch/dinner after. I had a weird day yesterday dealing with his doctors office, but whatever. The results better be there today. I'll update this evening.

In other news...I'm so excited that others are interested in helping organize a Infertility Awareness Charity event!* I'm going to work this weekend to get some preliminary info together, and then send out an email to everyone interested in being involved during the first part of next week. This could be a huge thing or even a small thing--I just want to do SOMETHING to help others and get information out there. Anyway, I'm excited and I'm appreciative to those that want to help with this effort.

*Read post below for more info.

How surprised was I that my monitor was asking for a stick this morning?! But I guess I should have expected it b/c it thinks I'm on cd9. Actually cd7.

Update--Ughhh. We don't have all the numbers yet. The count (14 million last time) was about the same the doctor said. Which really means nothing. We need to know if the morphology (1% last time) is better. I'm really annoyed, but I'm not going to let it ruin my weekend. Have a good one.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

DC GTG and charity event

Last night was a great time. I really enjoyed meeting everyone and I look forward to doing it again soon. Hello to all the Queens :)
Mel at Stirrup Queens
Shelby at A Sister for Celia
In and Out of Luck
Changing Expectations
Leah at Tales from My Dusty Ovaries
Karen at My Perky Ovaries
Lea Bee at Not How I Planned It

This week is going by quickly. Today D went in for his "five knuckle shuffle" as he calls it and we should have the results in tomorrow. Well, that's hopeful thinking really. He probably won't get them until his appointment with the urologist on Friday. I just called the office (SA office) and they are saying about a week--which I know it doesn't take a week. Hopefully we'll get them back sooner than that. They'll have to explain why if we don't have them by Friday at the latest. Anyway, that's that. Waiting for test results is the worst. HSG is one of my favs b/c at least you know instantly.

I have lots of blogs to comment on. I've been quiet in my head this week. I'm feeling ok. My monitor is 2-days off. Don't think it really matters though.

Something I've been thinking about a lot is Infertility Awareness and the tremendous expense involved in infertility treatment. About a month ago, Foreverhopeful posted about a Charity Run/Walk for IF in Canada. I think it's a great idea. I also think doing events like this walk/run will help get the word out about IF and help put pressure on more states to require IF coverage for everyone. When thinking about this, I can't help but think of the Komen Foundation's Race for the Cure, which I have participated in over the last 7 years or so. The organization was started when twenty-women got together and raised over $1 million in a year.
If anyone else in interested in working on this Infertility Awareness charity effort with me, please email me: dmarie @ ureach dot com. I need something else to focus on and what better than to help others?

Other Infertility Awareness efforts:
Infertility's Common Thread
International Infertility Film Festival

Friday, June 15, 2007

Can people see sadness in your soul?

This is my question of the day. Can someone who doesn't know you, look at you and see the sadness that is in your soul? I don't really look at people anymore. I stay quiet. Look down. Keep it moving. Today I wondered what people think when they see me. An empty shell? Maybe not. Maybe people don't bother to look either...anymore.

It's been a rough few days since my last post. I'll save you from my usual gory details, but I still don't have AF. She's chasing spot around the yard. Today was my first real day of seeing something barely there consistently while doing the TP tango.

D has semen analysis on Wednesday. Hopefully we can do unmedicated IUIs.

The Soprano's pissed me off. But today I read a theory that made sense. Tony had a convo with Bobby where he said he thought when you die there is nothing but silence and everything goes black. The scene with the convo was actually replayed earlier. Interesting.

Back to Jack.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

See spot and run

It's day .50 I guess. Since I now spot for a couple days before cd1. I think that whole go on vacation and you'll get pregnant thing isn't true. Won't be a little Martin or Martina. Jack straight-up (or rather blurry at this point) is my comfort. And Cheez-Its.

I gotta make the calls. I gotta commit. It's time to move on. There is no more hopeless hope.

Monday, June 11, 2007

DC Metro GTG...Save the Date

I'm going to be meeting with my fellow IF Bloggers at The Cheesecake Factory in White Flint Mall at 7:30 on June 19th.

If you're interested in attending please do! Post this message on your blog if you're in the area to spread the word and visit Looking for 2 Lines. Can't wait to meet everyone!

Sunday, June 10, 2007

Much better

Today I'm not nearly as nuts. It's a amazing what some ice, 3 sleeping pills and vag cream can do for you. I feel much better. I even went out to run some errands and may even cook dinner. We'll see about the last one.

Hubby is not as irritating today. He even brought his evil wife some food from the picnic and stopped to pick up my cream last night. So yeah, I'm better :) For now. My boobs aren't as sore, so you know I think the sleeping pills killed and chance of pregnancy. Also I had a dream where I wasn't prepared for a class test. There was a woman in the class that had a couple of children and needed help with the baby. It was a boy, but when I picked him up he wasn't finished developing--was like a chicken egg with no bottom to him. In the dream he had to go to the bathroom and I was helping the mother get him out of his carseat. Any thoughts?

Saturday, June 09, 2007

Way personal post

If you don't want to read about my va-jay-jay and breast issues--don't continue.

Everything my husband does seems to be getting on my nerves. We were suppose to go to a picnic today for his grandfather's birthday. I have a scorching new yeast infection. Great. So I decided sitting outside in the heat was not the best idea. I was fine with him going, sorta, but then he said he might be a while since I wasn't going to be there (to roll me eyes and give him that lets go stare) and it irritated the shit outta me. Like he was happy to be escaping. I'm probably overreacting, but I don't care right now.

As I mentioned above, I have a yeast infection. This has happened 2-other times in the last year. And of course I'm worried about using anything OTC. My nipples are way sore and the skin under my boobs is peeling. WTF?? I did the Google search thing and it could be a yeast infection under my breasts. However, it's not itching or even red. Just peeling and very smooth. So I don't know. I mean can you see me with cream under my boobs?

And the curtains are still a problem. cd26

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Back from Paradise

St. Maarten was wonderful. Had a great time. Didn't want to come back to reality. Or to Dullville. Anyway, above is a pic of our favorite beach--Friar's Bay. Like having our own private pool.

On the IF front, I managed to get my monitor through security and I even managed to POAS in the airport bathroom in Florida. On day 23 now, I think. My nips are sore due to the progesterone after ovulation I guess. It's all about curtains this week to match the new paint. Wish me luck!