Bella Vida

Married for 6 years. Trying to have a baby almost as long. Living a Beautiful Life.

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Location: Maryland, United States

Married & Trying to have a baby for almost 4 years. Dealing with MF (male factor infertility).

Sunday, September 30, 2007


I remember there were times when I was a little girl that my grandmother would cry because she missed her mother, who had died when my mother was young, which was many years before I was born. As a child, whenever I saw her crying because she missed her mother, I just couldn't understand. I thought it was strange that something that happened so long ago could still bring her to tears. It wasn't until she died that I finally understood. It wasn't until I lost someone so close to me that I got it. It wasn't until I found myself still crying for her long after she was gone.

I don't think you can understand the pain of infertility unless you've experienced it. You can sympathize, you can feel sorry for, but you can't understand it.

I'm re-posting this cuz its been that kind of weekend:

Somebody Said......* written by Unknown

Somebody said "Just adopt; you'll get pregnant." This somebody doesn't know how it feels to try to figure out where to get the money for an adoption.

Somebody said "If it is meant to be, it will happen." This somebody never cried walking past the diaper section at the grocery store.

Somebody said "You've got more time to spend together--be thankful." This somebody never stayed up until two in the morning arguing about ovulation charts.

Somebody said "Just relax and it will happen." Somebody never had their doctor tell them that after the age of 30, chances of becoming pregnant decrease significantly.

Somebody said "You shouldn't complain about something that you can't control." This somebody never wondered whose eyes and hair color the baby would have and then never found out.

Somebody said " You have more time to get a better education now." Somebody doesn't know what a short luteal phase is or what polycystic ovarian syndrome is or an irregular cycle or what male factor is.

Somebody said "You cant miss something you never had." This somebody doesn't know what its like to cry him or herself to sleep in an empty nursery.

Somebody said "You should try reading some books; there's got to be something else you can try." This somebody never tried standing on her head or drinking cough syrup when she's not sick.

Somebody said "Take one of my kids, I don't need them all." This somebody never tried to adopt, only to have the birth mother change her mind.

Somebody said "I'd sell everything I owned to get kids if I had to." This somebody never had to.

Somebody said "The hardest part of not having kids is not getting the tax deduction." This somebody never started her period at a baby shower.

Somebody said "A career is more important than being a mother." This somebody never wanted to be a mom.

Somebody said "If you don’t have kids, you're not missing anything." This somebody never went through infertility.

*I got this from another blog that has since gone PWP. I have no idea where it originated. If you know where this came from originally, please let me know so I can give credit.


Blogger Meghan said...

I'll be copying that if it's ok with you.

Sorry you're missing your grandmother, mine passed away just about a year ago and I still miss her

8:36 PM  
Blogger Lea Bee said...

amen and amen.

9:06 PM  
Blogger dmarie said...

Meghan--Feel free to copy, but I didn't author this. I just added to the end of the post asking anyone who knows where this came from originally to let me know so I can give credit. If anyone comes forward--I'll post the info. It's a great piece.

9:23 PM  
Blogger Chili said...


1:07 AM  
Blogger Pamela Jeanne said...

Thanks I needed that. Every once in a while I start to think that maybe there's something more than a little wrong with me because I can't stop grieving. This post reminded me there are good reasons why that's the case.

10:00 AM  
Blogger JJ said...

Its a beautiful/sad reminder...

10:35 AM  
Blogger In and Out of Luck said...

This made me cry.

5:04 PM  
Blogger KRISTI said...

It's all so sad and so true! Hugs to all the ladies who had to hear even just one of those comments.

8:49 PM  
Blogger Kim said...

I have no idea where it came from, but amen!

9:11 PM  
Blogger peep said...

Thanks for that nice post.

2:04 PM  
Blogger Deathstar said...

Great post. Frankly, I used to think adoption was not all that complicated, boy, was I wrong. It's a tough road to start down, ut bin a strange ass way, being infertile has gotten me used to having my privacy invaded, my feelings tramped all over, and being deeply disappointed. Thanks infertility!

Looking forward to my bracelet!

2:47 PM  
Blogger Foreverhopeful said...

Thanks for sharing this. I really needed this as well. Its so hard because nobody in my life understands how sad and hard this is because no one has walked in my shoes.

3:03 PM  
Blogger Ms. Infertile said...

Thank you for that post. Having heard many of those comments it's nice to know that I am not wrong in how I feel.

I'm sorry about your grandmother. My mom passed away just about a year ago, and that time hasn't yet taken away the pain and sadness.

I'd love a bracelet - can i still find the thread at Wal-mart?

3:00 PM  
Blogger Kristen said...

That's a great poem. So so true.

I'm sorry your weekend was a stressful one. I hope it is getting better. XOXO

7:09 PM  
Blogger Searching said...

Thanks for posting that!

4:04 PM  

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