Bella Vida

Married for 6 years. Trying to have a baby almost as long. Living a Beautiful Life.

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Location: Maryland, United States

Married & Trying to have a baby for almost 4 years. Dealing with MF (male factor infertility).

Friday, August 29, 2008

Dream Angels

The other night I dreamed of Angels. There were three of them, but only one sat next to me and talked to me. When they first appeared in my dream they looked like little flying fairies in the sky that were mostly green and blue, then they took on human form. The one that sat next to me was very warm and seemed caring and was wearing a yellow robe. The Angel wasn't male or female--just simply a being. I can't really remember the conversation. I wish I could. I'm usually good at remembering dreams, but lately not so much.

I wanted to post this here so that I would remember it. I've never had a dream of angels before and somehow I knew they were angels without them saying so.

Anyone else ever dream of Angels?

Wednesday, August 27, 2008


I feel the pressure to post something. Anything. But I got nada. So I thought I'd take you on a house tour. We're FINALLY getting new floors to go with the marble we did ourselves. But, of course, everything is still a complete mess. Hang on and don't bump into anything.

Down the stairs...

The upstairs hall and stairs are all that's left to do. Notice the dust on the rail. Now picture that--everywhere and on everything!

And to your right...

Picture all this crap in a U-Haul. We had to rent a truck to store our stuff for several days. It turned out to be the cheapest option in short term storage. Was a total pain in the ass to move all our crap out and then back in, but we did it ourselves and saved :) And yeah, it's a freakin' mess. Turns out we have a lot of little things. Pain in the ass. Oh, and if you're wondering why it's all still in the middle of the floor since we clearly have floors in this room--the shoe molding and painting are the hold-up.

And to your left...

Here's the bathroom we renovated. Yeah, it's all filled up with flooring supplies and missing its door. Not much use eh? And that arrow is pointing to the yet to be hung cabinet. Well...that's really my fault. But we won't discuss that, k :)

Walking straight into the kitchen...

Close-up of the floors. The arrows are to show what I'm busy doing--painting floor trim. All kinds of fun let me tell you. The sad looking little heart I drew is on my addiction of choice. I can go through 2-bags-a-day of Indiana Popcorn.

Continuing to the back of the kitchen...

Here's our messy table. It was actually cleared off during lunch, but someone...somewhere junked it up Again, things are in the center for painting and trim work. The arrow is showing some more of my handy-work. I'm also patching any holes in the walls, sanding (if needed) and re-painting the spots.

And to the back of the kitchen...

These are the Roman shades I made. It took me forever to do this project. I got the fabric and then let it sit in a bag for almost a year until my husband harassed me enough to make me create them already! My neighbor came over and helped me--thank goodness. I don't do well with long term projects or ones that are really involved. I tend to get bored. She did one panel and I did the other.

Heading out of the kitchen...

This little plant I got at a grocery store on sale for $3 last year. Pretty from the front, completely bald in the back. It gets no sun back there. What can I say? The white arrow is pointing to a mostly naked and brown leaf that was trying to make it to the sun, but sadly, died along the way. Every month I have to take it outside and shake it to get the dead leaves off. Hope I don't kill the front too. The black arrow is pointing to the laundry room which is now storage for all the doors that are off their hinges. Can someone send me some clean underwear? lol

Looking to the left of the kitchen...

Here's another shot of the U-Haul load in full-on-color detail. Holiday lawn candy canes, upside down tables, TONS of craft/work supplies, in-line skates...err skate, reciprocating saw--you name it and it's probably there somewhere. The 1st arrow is pointing to our travel photo wall and the 2nd is pointing to a shelving unit hubbs and I built one weekend. Or was it 2 or 3 weekends...I dunno, but I love the unit. It's got tons of cubby's for me to store all the little things that create this mess.

And finally...

Here's my little love and more dust. He hates the floors and is constantly looking at me like, "you're kidding right? How the hell can I run on this stuff?!" Can't you see the concern in his eyes? Hmm...can't really see his eyes cuz his momma needs to get him a haircut.

Any questions?

That concludes our tour. Please leave all headsets in the baskets as you exit and take all trash with you. We don't need no more mess!

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Positive False Hope

I sincerely want to thank everyone who left a kind message. Your stories and sweet words helped tremendously. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
For the most part, I've given up on a miracle pregnancy. Every now and then I allow hope to seep in, but generally I know better. My cycle has been 33 days for a few years now. Maybe twice since I got off the pill in 2004 has my period been early and ONCE it was late 2-days. This week it was late. Five days late. I also had a host of symptoms--but we all know how our bodies can play serious games with us, so I take those with a grain of salt. I happened to have a Dollartree pregnancy test and hubbs and I agreed it was time to test. So I get outta bed Wednesday morning and I POAS. At first, it looks like the usual really dark control line and no line next to it. Then it begins to look different. It begins to look like something I've never seen before--another line is forming next to the C-line below the T. So I'm standing in my bathroom thinking no fucking way. No fucking way. me--it's really there. I crawl back into bed and tell my husband I think he's going to be a father. I went back to the bathroom and got the test to show him and he's sees the line too. A FAINT line but one you could clearly see. But I was worried. I mean, shouldn't it be darker with my period being so late? But ya know...seeing a miracle form before your eyes in the form of a 2nd line tends to kill rational thought. Hubbs is beyond excited but we're both trying hard to keep it together and remind ourselves that this could really be some kind of cruel error. Turns out that was a good idea cuz it was just that--an error. Apparently Dollartree New Choice HPTs had at least 2-lots (could be more) of tests that were/are giving people false positives and I happen to be one of the lucky fools. Isn't that something?

Anyway, it's been tough. I can't even begin to explain the crazy that went on. Can you imagine how devastated I was to have to tell my husband it was all a mistake. I wanted to post this to help get the word out about these tests. I've been using Dollartree tests for a long time and I've never gotten any kind of 2nd line before. Beware.

FALSE Positives
New Choice HPT (from Dollartree / Dollar Tree )
Lot Numbers:



BTW--these tests are sold under different names including "One Step." If you have tests from dollar stores, please check the lot numbers by doing a Google search.

In other news IComLeavWe kicked off and I'm am way behind so I better get to reading and commenting ASAP.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Sad News

My Pumpkin is gone. I'm beyond sad. I'll be back to posting next week.

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

More Kitty

There's a big tumor. I have to spend some time getting him to eat. His name is Pumpkin. Thank you for the prayers. I really, really appreciate all the support. I just don't have much else to say. Thank you again.

Tuesday, August 05, 2008


No ultrasound until tomorrow. They didn't give me correct info over the phone (new employee) and I have to take him back in the morning to get the ultrasound. Thanks again for your comments and concern. Hopefully I'll know more tomorrow. The doc didn't seem too hopeful.

Cat Update

First, I really appreciate all the kind words and prayers. Thank you, thank you. Well, I went to the vet yesterday and he took an x-ray. His kidney is enlarged and there are multiple kidney stones. There is also some fluid in his lung. The vet has no idea what's wrong with the kidney, but suspects cancer. I now have to take him to another doc to have an abdominal ultrasound done. I need a new vet, btw. So we go today at 4pm. Hubbs and I have had to force feed him baby food. He does seem to be feeling better with some food in his system, but still won't eat on his own. He does drink water--thank goodness--and he's keeping the baby food down. I'll update again after the appointment.

Sunday, August 03, 2008

no title

My cat was at the doctor on Friday. He's not doing well. I'm so numb. Maybe cancer. I can't believe it. I feel so stupid for getting pets and never considering that they will die someday. He's 13 years old. I wish I had some good news for this blog. Seriously. I know most of my posts are so depressing. Sorry.

Thanks for the good wishes for my husband. He's on baby aspirin and a beta blocker. Funny, I already had the baby aspirin. Hubbs was all "why do you have baby aspirin?" I didn't bother with an answer.

Taking it one day at a time...or glass at a time. Which ever is closer.