Bella Vida

Married for 6 years. Trying to have a baby almost as long. Living a Beautiful Life.

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Location: Maryland, United States

Married & Trying to have a baby for almost 4 years. Dealing with MF (male factor infertility).

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Oprah and Infertility

Did anyone see the show yesterday? The first couple featured have a surrogate in India carrying their biological child. According to the show, surrogacy here in the US costs upwards of $70,000, while in India it ranges from $6-12,000. Huge difference. Looking around online I found different numbers, but the bottom line is it's still a lot less in India. Oprah described the process as "women helping women." The money paid to the surrogate is like "winning the lottery." These women are able to better their lives and their families lives in such tremendous ways. Really inspiring story.

Alexis Stewart (Martha's daughter) was also on talking about her infertility struggle. She's been trying for a year to get pregnant using her own eggs and donor sperm at a cost of $28,000 a month which her mother helps pay for. At 42, she stressed finding out early if you're going to have infertility problems through testing. I strongly agree. It's important to know that getting pregnant at any age isn't always as easy as 1-2-baby. She also mentioned seeing celebs getting pregnant in their 40s isn't necessarily what it seems. So true. What I think people are going to have a problem with is Alexis' attitude. She insisted that the shots are no big deal and even demonstrated a real injection. She said that she handles her monthly IVF cycle as a business deal so that she can remain unemotional about it because if she didn't she'd be sad all the time. She was dry and detached from the process, but said her feelings on getting pregnant had nothing to do with her feelings on being a mother.

I really don't want to judge Alexis for her attitude. One thing infertility has done is made me try to stop judging people--especially those in the infertility community. Just because someone doesn't do what I would do or react how I would--I'm trying not to pass judgment. Trying. I know from experience that it doesn't feel good when someone looks at me and says "wow, if I were in your shoes I would have done IVF by now." As for Oprah, she hasn't experienced IF so I don't expect her to connect with this struggle. She is like anyone else that gives out ass-vise because they simply don't know any better and haven't been in my shoes. Plights often don't become important until we are personally touched by them or until they are so horrific we can't help but get pulled in. I'm just happy someone is talking about infertility in a big way.

One more thing--at the end there was one more couple on the show that only got a few minutes to tell their story--Tracey and Jamie. They had just put a 2nd mortgage on their home in order to do IVF. Tracy mentioned that her husband would be giving her the injections and she talked about how they were in this together. I kinda felt sorry for Alexis at that point. She is alone. I can't imagine not having someone to turn to when the walls are caving in around me.


Blogger Emma Scamander said...

I really wish I hadn't missed it! I completely forgot to set the DVR before i left the house. Thanks for the write up though- sounds like it would have been an interesting show to watch.

Amazing how all of us are going through similar experiences, but we handle them all so differently. Defense mechanisms are so important in how we get through each day. I can't imagine having to go through it all alone.

4:07 PM  
Blogger Shelby said...

doh- that was me...I was signed in under my Harry Potter name for a sock swap I'm in. Need more caffeine!!

4:08 PM  
Blogger Fertilize Me said...

Excellent post . .. i have a hard time not being judgemental at first ..i try ... i fail miserably often

4:11 PM  
Blogger ultimatejourney said...

I'm also glad Oprah is talking about IF, even if she's not doing it perfectly. She definitely has the power to get the word out.

I really don't know how anyone who desperately wants to be a mother could be detached from a cycle on any level. I think I'm much less emotional than the average woman, and it's completely impossible for me not to be emotionally involved with any aspect of IF. But who knows why Alexis is the way she is.

Your pets are adorable, btw :)

5:32 PM  
Blogger Meghan said...

I still haven't watched it yet, it's in my DVR queue.

As for the judging, I'm guilty of it all the time. I've gotten somewhat better recently, I've realized that you can never know what people are going through.

thanks for th summary of the show

8:49 PM  
Blogger Sunny said...

Thanks for the great update. I just couldn't bare watching. (Is that the right way to write bare? HA!)

8:54 PM  
Blogger chicklet said...

The show pissed me off. I felt like the surrogacy stuff was good but the rest was quite cold and just highlighted what people already think - that we're crazy bitches all about doing a "job". I had a hard time with it.

10:02 PM  
Blogger Helene said...

I posted about this yesterday and I ditto you. I think the surrogacy in India was a meaningful story specially that it helps women in both directions. But, I did feel that when Alexis was talking about her ivf process she did seem cold and detached. Even talking about her failures in her first couple of ivfs she seemed so non-chalant about it. You are right we shouldn't judge people, even ones with IF. I guess people deal with situations differently and have their own coping mechanisms. I do wish the last couple that was on air could have talked about their IF, it seemed like they barely got to say but just a few sentences.

7:23 AM  
Blogger noswimmers said...

Crap--I can't believe I missed it! Thanks for the de-brief. :)

12:52 PM  
Blogger LJ said...

This show was all the buzz at my RE's office this morning. I hadn't seen it (the last IF show made my blood boil), but the description you gave of Ms. Stewart seemed exactly the same. Very interesting.

1:28 PM  
Blogger Tracey said...

Hi! Thanks for stopping by. Good luck with everything.

11:32 PM  
Blogger SaraS-P said...

I am glad Stewart pointed out that celebs getting pregnant after 40 aren't always what they seem. I get tired of assvice like, "Oh, but so and so just had twins and she's much older than you!" Duh... she probably had a little assistance, and she can afford all she wants!

9:49 PM  
Blogger Kim said...

My sister Tivo'd it for me. I was really mixed about it. I like the fact that IF is being put in the limelight but I just wished it would have been more about the non-celebs who have different decisions to make - hearing more from Tracey and Jamie would have been nice.

11:06 AM  

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