Bella Vida

Married for 6 years. Trying to have a baby almost as long. Living a Beautiful Life.

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Location: Maryland, United States

Married & Trying to have a baby for almost 4 years. Dealing with MF (male factor infertility).

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Sad little blogger

Don't you just hate it when people don't blog for a few days? LOL. Yes, I'm a pitiful little blogger as of late. Just ran out of stuff to say. Been in a quiet place.

I don't know what is going on with me. I feel very isolated and alone. I'm not sure why though. Sure, I'm depressed--who isn't. But it's more than that. Usually I want D to spend tons of time with me when he gets home. Lately, I would almost rather be alone. I keep encouraging him to go play his gaming system while I sit on the couch with a cocktail. He even worked late this evening and didn't call to let me know until he was walking out the door (usually a huge prob for me) and I didn't care. I honestly didn't. You would think the good news about his T going up would have put me over the moon, but it didn't. Maybe a phase. Maybe I don't want to get my hopes up. Have I been in darkness so long that I no longer know how to live in the light? Scary thought.

Crocheting. OK. So I have given crochet another go and I actually completed a granny square! I'm making a blanket. The colors in the scan look really funky. They are actually really bright colors of fuchsia, yellow and green.

I'm still looking forward to learning to knit, but I like that I've started something. I will confess that it took me forever to complete that square. So many stitches to remember--DC, SC, popcorn, sp(s), ch 1 and on and on and on. I think I'll make all (or maybe half) the middles first and then the next step and so on. Do it in stages. Anyone know why that would be a bad idea? Really...I'm seriously asking here :)

I attempted to make an appointment with the IF hospital D's urologist works with. I'm ready to get this testing underway...again. I haven't had a pap or even a physical in so long. Two years+ maybe. I say attempted to make an appointment because the scheduler wasn't in and didn't call me back. Grrrrr.


Blogger ultimatejourney said...

I'm sorry you're feeling down. I go through waves of feeling down, and then feeling more hopeful, and then feeling down again. I hope things look up soon. In the meanwhile, enjoy the crocheting -- it looks like you're doing a great job.

I hate how you can't call a doctor's office and speak to a person these days. Waiting to be called back is just another type of waiting to make us IFs crazy.

7:17 AM  
Blogger The Town Criers said...

Maybe the quiet time is something you need to go through in order to get to the other side. Maybe it's protection. Or maybe it's simply time for yourself during a process that takes so much out of a person. All I know is that I'm sending you a hug. And the granny square looks fantastic.

1:05 PM  
Blogger Foreverhopeful said...

I've been there many times and like ultimate journey said, it is a roller coaster of ups and downs. Its normal to feel defeated and feel like you have no hope. I hope you start to feel better soon. I think its good you recognize it and it might help to talk about it with DH as well. Big hugs to you.

1:47 PM  
Blogger hopeful to hateful in 28 days said...

I can connect to what you mean about being in the darkness for so long. I know it sucks. It really, really sucks but hang in there.

I like your crocheting. I quilt. It is my "old lady" hobby, but it is really enjoyable!

8:34 PM  
Blogger Bumble said...

I'm so sorry you're feeling sad... Its so normal (if I'm anything to go by...) how we have ups and downs, how we want company and then to be alone, how we don't really know what we want at all. Its normal. Take all the time you need to feel how you need to feel. We're all here for you, and I hope you feel better soon x

7:00 PM  
Blogger Carrie said...

I think the ups and downs are the worst part of this whole game. After feeling down my mood can lift and it's then I think how glad I am to be over (insert latest crisis) and then from nowhere, Wham, down again. It makes me weary. I know my husband finds this extremely difficult too, never knowing ho long a mood will last.
I hope an up is on its way soon.

As for the crochet, I take my hat off to you. That looks very complicated.

2:18 PM  
Blogger Amy said...

I'm in one of those down waves, too, so I really feel for you. It makes everything, like not getting a hold of your doctor, that much harder to take. I hope that things look up soon.

Love the crocheting. I'm hopeless at sewing and similar pursuits, so it's always so cool that someone can make such pretty things.

9:27 PM  
Blogger KRISTI said...

I didn't even know you were blogging. I'm so sorry you are down and hopefully the testing will get you UP UP UP again. Hang in there. HUGS

8:37 PM  

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