Bella Vida

Married for 6 years. Trying to have a baby almost as long. Living a Beautiful Life.

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Location: Maryland, United States

Married & Trying to have a baby for almost 4 years. Dealing with MF (male factor infertility).

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Trying to find inspiration

My pineapple upside down cheesecake turned out not so great. I'd take a pic and post it--but I'm embarrassed! LOL! It kinda tasks like banana creme pie and I have no idea why or how. D (hubby) likes it, but me...not so much. I'll try again one day.

I wish I could find the cheese on 3 brothers pizza. It's my fav. Last night we tried a new pizza crust and cheese baked in the oven on a pizza stone. I, of course, wasn't crazy about it. I'm hard on myself. I've tried all kinds of cheeses on my pizzas at home, but I haven't found the perfect one yet. I do like bufala mozzarella best so far. Just hard to get it.

As I find more IF blogs daily, I'm seeing 2004 as the year it all began for lots of people. Or maybe since that's the year I started I'm just noticing it a lot. I also am feeling a little behind the eight ball. It seems like so many have moved on into IFV or at least IUI. We've done neither. After all the testing I was so tired. I remember a friend saying to me "if I were you I would get moving on IVF." The thought of IVF has been such a difficult one for me and I've thought long and hard about what that means. If I really want a baby that badly--why not just jump in full force? It just seems so overwhelming and if after all that it didn't work--I don't know if I could cope with life. IF alone has been such a great blow. Hurdle. One I still haven't overcome. My soul is tired.

I need a new hobby. Which is why I had decided to give knitting a try again. I do know how to crochet. Maybe I should go back to that if I can remember how to. I'm very crafty. I make all kinds of stuff. Well, I used to anyway. I'm no longer inspired unless I have a request. My mom wants a satin pillowcase for Mother's Day. I made her one several years ago and now she wants another in a different color. It's funny b/c I think about all the things I've made and I look around and see examples of my work and I wonder 'how the hell did I do that?'

10 Comments:

Blogger Amy said...

Hi - I just found your blog and wanted to introduce myself. My husband has similar issues. I completely understand about your soul feeling tired just from the testing. MIne is exhausted.

I'm so glad to hear the medication seems to be working. And you picked such pretty names. Like you, I had girls names picked out forever, but now we have a completely different girl's name.
I don't have a blog, but if you would like to email me and compare notes: amybds @ yahoo

2:51 PM  
Blogger TeamWinks said...

New here too! How about making your video for the International Infertility Film Festival? That could be healing and creative!

3:21 PM  
Blogger dmarie said...

Hi Amy. Thanks for commenting. I will email you. I'm glad you left a message b/c as I'm sure you know it can be so hard to find others dealing with MF.

3:25 PM  
Blogger dmarie said...

teamwinks--thanks for the suggestion. I remember reading about IIFF. I will definitely look into it :)

3:46 PM  
Blogger ultimatejourney said...

Your cooking sounds far better than anything I do, but maybe another "hobby" option would be to take some advanced cooking classes and really hone your skills.

5:37 PM  
Blogger dmarie said...

UltimateJourney--you know, I've thought about that. I love watching the food network. I'm just kind of a limited eater--selection-wise I mean. May be an opportunity to broaden my base though.

7:13 PM  
Blogger Bumble said...

Just wanted to say hi, I just found your blog and need to do a bit of catching up. Your pizza sounds yummy, I wish I knew how to make it at home... Should get off my butt and learn I guess right?

1:39 AM  
Blogger dmarie said...

Bumble--I just caught up on your blog. I really hope this is it for you! I'll cross my legs for you too!!! BTW--your husband and I share the same birthday, Feb 21 :)

11:35 AM  
Blogger Jodi said...

I hear you on the IF stuff. It all started for me in 04 too. We thought of moving on to IVF, but it is just too much money for us, so we are moving onto adoption.
I still hope for that miracle monthly. I don't know if that will ever go away!

1:24 PM  
Blogger dmarie said...

Jodi--I think it's a good sign that the hope is still there monthly. Even if having it does leave me vulnerable to feeling so terrible when things don't work out. Without it I just don't think I could do this.

11:55 AM  

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