Bella Vida

Skiing and Sundance...again

2009-01-25T21:49:00.009-05:00

Park City Ski Resort, 2009

Sundance Poster, Village at The Yard, 2009

Dear me. I've been hiding...again. I've also been skiing (slightly) and to Sundance...again. This all seems like deja-vu. Perhaps it was the job that made me go into hiding. Perhaps it was the impending baby-less holiday season. I'm not sure. I just know I've been fearful a lot and it's made me abandon things. I haven't check email in months. And of course it creates a lot of anxiety. LOL. I laugh at myself here. The absurdity of it all. Anyway, I'm trying to dig myself outta the dark hole. One of the things I'm starting with is this blog. Why not?

I haven't been up to much except work and the ski trip. Work is fine and I'm so thankful to have a job. The trip to Utah was good. I managed to ski down the mountain once and then on over to the bar. The lift still freaks me the hell out, and I was actually shaking while clinging to my glass of wine at the Park City Legends bar. That was the extent of my skiing. Returned the rented skis the same day. O-V-E-R it.

We managed to see 3-films this time. One really weird art-installation-ish screening and 2-actual films. We saw Push and The Girlfriend Experience both at the Eccles Theater. Push was a very sad but amazing film. I'm so happy we were able to not only get in to see it, but to also to meet the director Lee Daniels and the films main character actress--Gabby Sidibe (pics to come). The story is so tragic I almost have no words, but the performances are so incredible. Must see. The Steven Soderbergh screening was interesting. His newest film is one of those that is completely outta sequence. You see 5-10 minute clips and have to put it together in your head. Soderbergh introduced the film and closed with questions from the audience. Not a bad film. I just didn't see a purpose to it. It didn't make me feel anything. I did notice how he played with his wedding ring while answering questions about the films star though.

A very close friend is pregnant. She is a fellow IFer and I'm happy for her. I have 3 girlfriends. Two of the three got pregnant last year. The two that I'm closest to. I spent the ski holiday with my newly pregnant girlfriend I've know since I was 5. We talked about her fears of never actually holding a live baby in July. We talked about the scars IF leaves you with that won't heal just cuz you have a positive pee stick. We talked about how others just don't get that. We talked about the twin she lost and and the nuchal scan of the surviving twin that was measuring "off the charts abnormal" and then a week later suddenly appeared normal. We talked about things I can only imagine daydreaming about. Wine works quicker in higher altitudes.

So here I am. I'll try to be kinda consistent. BTW, COSTCO sells discount lift tickets. We got them for $50/each when the regular price at the lift was $83. No one talks/tells you about this?? Or at least no one had told me. I happened upon the info 1-day before our trip and we picked up the tickets at the Salt Lake store.

Awesome

2008-10-16T23:22:00.003-04:00

That's what you guys are. Awesome!. I really appreciate all the info on getting Clomid cheaper. I haven't done anything still/yet, but I'm definitely going to consider the generic meds. I usually don't, but what the hey, huh?

The J-O-B. I'm working as the branch manager of an employment/temporary agency. Not anything like what I've been doing previously, but I'm so freakin grateful to have a job I can't even put it into words. Happy happy thankful me.

All the women I'm working with have kids. Today I was having a convo about kids and I was informed that the baby birth rate is on the decline. Well, of course, I said, "oh yeah, with so many having infertility problems LIKE ME AND MY HUSBAND I'm sure the numbers have gone down." The woman I was talking to kinda looks at me and says "well people can't afford to have children right now with the economy crisis." Ummmmm....yeah...that too. So I outed myself. Hahahaha. But not really that funny.

Rush Rush

2008-10-07T21:42:00.002-04:00

I got a new job and I've been busy trying to settle life as much as possible before being out of the house full-time for the first time in over 4-years. Wow. So I've been a blog slacker. I hope to catch with everyone this weekend. I have no idea what's going on out there!

Hubbs hasn't started the Clomid yet b/c we're fighting with the insurance company b/c they don't want to cover it. Crazy times. We will definitely start by next Monday with or without coverage. It's $235 without coverage for 12-pills I think. Yuck.

Grout, Whoops and Complaint

2008-09-23T11:09:00.001-04:00

the grout...

We chose a dark grout because this is the laundry room and we wanted less worry about stains.

This grout was sanded and not as smooth as the marble grout so it left a lot of crumbs that had to be swept before sponge wiping. We used unsanded grout for the marble and sanded for the ceramic. Sanded grout will scratch marble and all other shiny or polished stone tiles.

This is after three wipe-downs with a sponge and water. It took a total of 4-wipe-downs and water changes.

Here's a look at the grout as it's drying. The darker areas are still wet.

All done. Washer and dryer are back in place. We still have trim painting to do.

the whoops...

So here's a sad little story. This is our original bathroom mirror that we had decided we would cut and frame for the new bathroom. Here's hubbs scoring the mirror to snap-cut it.

Here he's using the snap tool to help it break along the line.

Here's the whoops. The scoring didn't work worth a darn. Perhaps the mirror was too thick? So off we went to IKEA and got a new one. I'm still going to frame it.

Here comes the complaint. Last year we got a brand new DVD recorder and player by SAMSUNG. It's the R155. Do not buy this player. It's has an over heating problem that eventually kills the processor. It worked really well for a few months and then stopped playing certain DVDs. Now it won't play anything. Of course I contacted Samsung and they told me unless I could produce a receipt so that they could determine if the warranty it still good, they couldn't help. I argued that this is a known problem with this model and they should stand behind their product, but no luck. I also told them that although I no longer had the receipt, the manufacture date on the player is June 2007 so it couldn't be very old, but nope. I even offered to pay for the shipping to have it fixed, but still nothing. My husband is writing a letter of complaint and we'll see if that does anything. Terrible customer service and a terrible product. I'll never buy another Samsung anything. Beware of the Samsung R155 or R-155 or R 155 DVD recorder player. It's a piece of crap. I wish I had read the reviews first.

Old news

2008-09-16T19:12:00.006-04:00

Sunday flowers

We actually had guests over for a cookout last Sunday. We managed to get the house looking pretty decent. It's weird b/c now we're back to a mini-mess with a washing machine and dryer behind the couch.

Anyway, hubbs had the partial SA on Friday and his results haven't changed. The doc is willing to let us try Clomid. So the poor man will be on Clomid, Arimidex and blood pressure meds. Wow. I really feel guilty about that, but I guess I shouldn't b/c if it were me I'd do the same and will have to if we move on to IVF. Hubbs will take 50mg of Clomid on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Wait-n-see.

My little Yorkie has a cough. I really don't want/can't take anymore drama. Hopefully it's nothing big. He's going to the vet tomorrow.

Wrote this and forgot to post it last week :)
This tile is done and I'll post pics soon. My dog is fine and on meds for the cough.

Tile step-by-step

2008-09-16T11:21:00.011-04:00

Update: Martha Stewart is having a show all about Bloggers today. Leave a comment on her blog and your blog may be featured. Visit: http://www.themarthablog.com/ for more details.

So we're in the home stretch. I think. Yesterday hubbs took off from work so we could tile the laundry room. Whew. It's a small room, but a little difficult to tile due to lack of space for maneuvering. We chose 16x16 ceramic tiles and big grout spacers to make it a little easier on ourselves. Here's the picture proof:

We took the washing machine and dryer out and then pulled-up the remaining carpet. What was left was a yucky looking old vinyl floor with carpet glue stuck to it.

Hubbs had to chip it away with a paint scraper and hammer. This stuff was really stuck so it took over an hour.

We placed the first tile in the corner and then snapped blue chalk lines for guides.

Here's hubbs combing the mortar/thinset with a trowel before placing the tile.

Then he placed the tile down and wiggled it into place. While the thinset is still wet, you can slide the tile as needed to put the spacers in.

Closeup of the spacers. A cross for corners on one side and a bar for in between tiles on the other side.

Half done!

Sometimes a tile space is too small to fit the comb/trowel so you have to "back butter" the tile directly with thinset instead of the floor.

All done! We used 3-different kinds of thinset cuz we wanted to use up what we already had. Two containers were gray and one was white. You'll never see it once the grout is down.

I'll do the grouting later today. Once the grout dries I'll paint the trim and the laundry room will be finished.

Oil Infusions

2008-09-11T10:49:00.017-04:00

Lunch. Herbed oil drizzled over penne with vodka sauce and grated cheese.

Several years ago hubbs and I made some oil infusions and gave them away as holiday gifts. We made 2-different kinds--herbed and spicy. I've been wanting to do it again for a while and finally did last night. I only made the herb infused oil this time. I tried to recreate the dipping oil that Bertucci's serves with bread.

Here's how I did it:
1. Roasted a small bulb of garlic. (First time doing this. Super easy.)
2. Pulled leaves of rosemary off two stems and bruised them with a rolling pin to expose more flavor
3. Poured 1 1/2-cups of extra virgin olive oil into a small saucepan
4. Put the roasted garlic, rosemary, 2+ tbls. dry Italian herb blend, 1/4 cherry pepper, 1+ tbls. dry oregano, and a sliver habanero pepper into the oil and stirred

5. Heated on medium to low for 10 minutes. Occasionally stirred. Don't let it boil, smoke or burn.
6. Let cool, covered, and put in the fridge overnight
7. Used a funnel, coffee filter and metal mesh strainer to separate oil from herbs

That's it! Can't wait to use it. It smells wonderful. To eat it as a dip with warm bread I will pour some in a saucer and sprinkle it with grated Romano cheese.

Plain extra virgin olive oil on left and herb infused oil on right.
*Updated: had it over some pasta for lunch. Delish!

Earlier this week my husband accidentally deleted my entire reader. Grrrrrrrr! So I have to go back through and redo all the feeds. Grrrrrrrrr!

New Toy

2008-09-09T09:36:00.005-04:00

I got a new toy. I'm so excited. I've been wanting a Kitchenaid for a while and really couldn't justify the expense, but with all the remodeling I'd been thinking more about getting one. I got this never-used (sans box) mixer with the slicer/shredder and meat grinder attachments all for $175 on Craigslist. Craigslist is my new love. Forget Ebay. Especially since I've been screwed twice on Ebay and swore it off a couple years ago. I know lots of people have great success using Ebay, but it's not for me. I like dealing locally a lot better. I really wanted a cobalt one to match the counters we're going to do, but a deal is a deal. This one is imperial grey and retail it's all worth about $400. Yeah...loving Craigslist.

Hubbs says he's expecting some sort of treat this week since we finally have our counter space back and I'm cooking again. We'll have to see how the week shapes up. I'm so busy still trying to put the house back together, but I can't wait to use it.

On the infertility side of the coin, we had a urologist appointment yesterday. The Arimidex doesn't seem to be working anymore to keep hubbs testoterone up. We're going back in on Friday for a mini or partial semen analysis looking at count only. I was hoping hubbs could try Clomid with the Arimidex, but apparently men on Clomid usually have low FSH, and hubbs has high (24) FSH, low testosterone and high estrogen. Sucks. Anyone else have experience with this? Most of this feels like a "moo point" b/c I've yet to find ANYONE who has had a husband have success with any of these drugs. And by success I mean they got pregnant without ART.

This is what I keep seeing as I think about yesterdays appointment. LOL I can't believe I found this video.

NKOTB

2008-09-04T09:40:00.003-04:00

Wow. This morning I woke up to the New Kids on TV. Performing. I know they've been back for a little while and are doing the talk-show tour thing, but this was the first time I actually watched. I can't freakin' believe it's been 20-years! I was a HUGE fan when I was younger. Thought I was gonna marry Jordan. OMG. LOL. I just can't believe I'm 20-years older. Twenty. I grew up in South Florida and went to several concerts as a kid. A friends mom had a contact at the ticket promoters office, so we usually had great seats and almost got backstage passes once--GAH! One of our moms always had to go with us b/c at 12 none of us could drive. I think we even took a limo once. It really made me smile to think of all my friends from back then--Alexis, Marnie, Carin, Daniela. We were so in love and obsessed. Fast forward twenty-some odd years and all the New Kids have kids (all but Jon), and I didn't marry Jordan. I wish I could go back and tell that 12-year-old to hold on cuz it was gonna get bumpy...err bumpier. And maybe to get her head outta the clouds cuz later on it was gonna be harder to do so. Anyway, this is suddenly going in a different direction. My original point was that it was nice to go back to that time for a minute. It's kinda weird to see them perform now and feel none of that awe I did back then. It's definitely strange to see them trying to recapture the NKOTB frenzy. I saw their new video and I have to say it's pretty disappointing. I mean--they're married fathers in da club with very young girls--wtf? Sorry, not feeling it.

But I am still feeling this one :)

Dream Angels

2008-08-29T11:48:00.005-04:00

The other night I dreamed of Angels. There were three of them, but only one sat next to me and talked to me. When they first appeared in my dream they looked like little flying fairies in the sky that were mostly green and blue, then they took on human form. The one that sat next to me was very warm and seemed caring and was wearing a yellow robe. The Angel wasn't male or female--just simply a being. I can't really remember the conversation. I wish I could. I'm usually good at remembering dreams, but lately not so much.

I wanted to post this here so that I would remember it. I've never had a dream of angels before and somehow I knew they were angels without them saying so.

Anyone else ever dream of Angels?

Umm...

2008-08-27T09:02:00.003-04:00

I feel the pressure to post something. Anything. But I got nada. So I thought I'd take you on a house tour. We're FINALLY getting new floors to go with the marble we did ourselves. But, of course, everything is still a complete mess. Hang on and don't bump into anything.

Down the stairs...

The upstairs hall and stairs are all that's left to do. Notice the dust on the rail. Now picture that--everywhere and on everything!

And to your right...

Picture all this crap in a U-Haul. We had to rent a truck to store our stuff for several days. It turned out to be the cheapest option in short term storage. Was a total pain in the ass to move all our crap out and then back in, but we did it ourselves and saved :) And yeah, it's a freakin' mess. Turns out we have a lot of little things. Pain in the ass. Oh, and if you're wondering why it's all still in the middle of the floor since we clearly have floors in this room--the shoe molding and painting are the hold-up.

And to your left...

Here's the bathroom we renovated. Yeah, it's all filled up with flooring supplies and missing its door. Not much use eh? And that arrow is pointing to the yet to be hung cabinet. Well...that's really my fault. But we won't discuss that, k :)

Walking straight into the kitchen...

Close-up of the floors. The arrows are to show what I'm busy doing--painting floor trim. All kinds of fun let me tell you. The sad looking little heart I drew is on my addiction of choice. I can go through 2-bags-a-day of Indiana Popcorn.

Continuing to the back of the kitchen...

Here's our messy table. It was actually cleared off during lunch, but someone...somewhere junked it up again....lol Again, things are in the center for painting and trim work. The arrow is showing some more of my handy-work. I'm also patching any holes in the walls, sanding (if needed) and re-painting the spots.

And to the back of the kitchen...

These are the Roman shades I made. It took me forever to do this project. I got the fabric and then let it sit in a bag for almost a year until my husband harassed me enough to make me create them already! My neighbor came over and helped me--thank goodness. I don't do well with long term projects or ones that are really involved. I tend to get bored. She did one panel and I did the other.

Heading out of the kitchen...

This little plant I got at a grocery store on sale for $3 last year. Pretty from the front, completely bald in the back. It gets no sun back there. What can I say? The white arrow is pointing to a mostly naked and brown leaf that was trying to make it to the sun, but sadly, died along the way. Every month I have to take it outside and shake it to get the dead leaves off. Hope I don't kill the front too. The black arrow is pointing to the laundry room which is now storage for all the doors that are off their hinges. Can someone send me some clean underwear? lol

Looking to the left of the kitchen...

Here's another shot of the U-Haul load in full-on-color detail. Holiday lawn candy canes, upside down tables, TONS of craft/work supplies, in-line skates...err skate, reciprocating saw--you name it and it's probably there somewhere. The 1st arrow is pointing to our travel photo wall and the 2nd is pointing to a shelving unit hubbs and I built one weekend. Or was it 2 or 3 weekends...I dunno, but I love the unit. It's got tons of cubby's for me to store all the little things that create this mess.

And finally...

Here's my little love and more dust. He hates the floors and is constantly looking at me like, "you're kidding right? How the hell can I run on this stuff?!" Can't you see the concern in his eyes? Hmm...can't really see his eyes cuz his momma needs to get him a haircut.

Any questions?

That concludes our tour. Please leave all headsets in the baskets as you exit and take all trash with you. We don't need no more mess!

Positive False Hope

2008-08-23T23:28:00.009-04:00

I sincerely want to thank everyone who left a kind message. Your stories and sweet words helped tremendously. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

For the most part, I've given up on a miracle pregnancy. Every now and then I allow hope to seep in, but generally I know better. My cycle has been 33 days for a few years now. Maybe twice since I got off the pill in 2004 has my period been early and ONCE it was late 2-days. This week it was late. Five days late. I also had a host of symptoms--but we all know how our bodies can play serious games with us, so I take those with a grain of salt. I happened to have a Dollartree pregnancy test and hubbs and I agreed it was time to test. So I get outta bed Wednesday morning and I POAS. At first, it looks like the usual really dark control line and no line next to it. Then it begins to look different. It begins to look like something I've never seen before--another line is forming next to the C-line below the T. So I'm standing in my bathroom thinking no fucking way. No fucking way. Fu.ck me--it's really there. I crawl back into bed and tell my husband I think he's going to be a father. I went back to the bathroom and got the test to show him and he's sees the line too. A FAINT line but one you could clearly see. But I was worried. I mean, shouldn't it be darker with my period being so late? But ya know...seeing a miracle form before your eyes in the form of a 2nd line tends to kill rational thought. Hubbs is beyond excited but we're both trying hard to keep it together and remind ourselves that this could really be some kind of cruel error. Turns out that was a good idea cuz it was just that--an error. Apparently Dollartree New Choice HPTs had at least 2-lots (could be more) of tests that were/are giving people false positives and I happen to be one of the lucky fools. Isn't that something?

Anyway, it's been tough. I can't even begin to explain the crazy that went on. Can you imagine how devastated I was to have to tell my husband it was all a mistake. I wanted to post this to help get the word out about these tests. I've been using Dollartree tests for a long time and I've never gotten any kind of 2nd line before. Beware.

FALSE Positives
New Choice HPT (from Dollartree / Dollar Tree )
Lot Numbers:
11157C36
02288C36E
BTW--these tests are sold under different names including "One Step." If you have tests from dollar stores, please check the lot numbers by doing a Google search.

In other news IComLeavWe kicked off and I'm am way behind so I better get to reading and commenting ASAP.

Sad News

2008-08-14T20:03:00.002-04:00

My Pumpkin is gone. I'm beyond sad. I'll be back to posting next week.

More Kitty

2008-08-06T20:58:00.003-04:00

There's a big tumor. I have to spend some time getting him to eat. His name is Pumpkin. Thank you for the prayers. I really, really appreciate all the support. I just don't have much else to say. Thank you again.

Update

2008-08-05T17:48:00.002-04:00

No ultrasound until tomorrow. They didn't give me correct info over the phone (new employee) and I have to take him back in the morning to get the ultrasound. Thanks again for your comments and concern. Hopefully I'll know more tomorrow. The doc didn't seem too hopeful.

Cat Update

2008-08-05T10:40:00.002-04:00

First, I really appreciate all the kind words and prayers. Thank you, thank you. Well, I went to the vet yesterday and he took an x-ray. His kidney is enlarged and there are multiple kidney stones. There is also some fluid in his lung. The vet has no idea what's wrong with the kidney, but suspects cancer. I now have to take him to another doc to have an abdominal ultrasound done. I need a new vet, btw. So we go today at 4pm. Hubbs and I have had to force feed him baby food. He does seem to be feeling better with some food in his system, but still won't eat on his own. He does drink water--thank goodness--and he's keeping the baby food down. I'll update again after the appointment.

no title

2008-08-03T11:45:00.001-04:00

My cat was at the doctor on Friday. He's not doing well. I'm so numb. Maybe cancer. I can't believe it. I feel so stupid for getting pets and never considering that they will die someday. He's 13 years old. I wish I had some good news for this blog. Seriously. I know most of my posts are so depressing. Sorry.

Thanks for the good wishes for my husband. He's on baby aspirin and a beta blocker. Funny, I already had the baby aspirin. Hubbs was all "why do you have baby aspirin?" I didn't bother with an answer.

Taking it one day at a time...or glass at a time. Which ever is closer.

Today I'm Tired

2008-07-31T23:02:00.002-04:00

In February or March hubbs went to have a stress test b/c he'd been feeling weird and heart problems run in his family. We JUST got the results back yesterday. The reason for the delay is such a long story, but in the end the doctors were negligent/lazy and I'm totally pissed. Anyway, he has "slightly abnormal flow" when he's exercising. He also got back blood results and his LDL is 121--21 over optimal. His testosterone is back down--303. Not good. We're eating better than we ever have and he's consistently working out. I don't understand.

I'm just sick. I simply can't take all this at our age. Maybe I'm overacting and lots of people have these issues and infertility to deal with. Whatever. It still sucks. I made some cookies and drank a bottle of three-buck-Chuck. I gotta look for a cardiologist. Hopefully a good one. My Thanks to Rebecca from Which Way to Baby? for the advice. Her husband just found out he has a heart condition.

Keep your head down and plow through. That's what I'm hearing in my head tonight.

Blogher and Infertility

2008-07-31T00:12:00.005-04:00

Pamela Jeanne from Coming 2 Terms posted this video and I wanted to post it too. Pamela attended the Blogher Conference recently in San Francisco and spoke on a panel titled "When the Road to Motherhood is Anything but Smooth."

I want to commend all the ladies that shared their stories and tears. It's often not easy to talk about infertility, but it is SO necessary. I also want to add that in my opinion it does not make you a "drama queen" or "overly sensitive" if you can't attend a baby shower. If nothing else, infertility has made me more empathetic to the feelings and emotions of all those that suffer. Everyone experiences things differently. We are not all suffering from the same causes of infertility and we will not all deal with it in the same ways.

Mememememe

2008-07-30T13:23:00.004-04:00

I stole this from Rosie's blog. The questions have to be answered with one word.

1. Where is your cell phone? basket
2. Your significant other? work
3. Your hair? bun
4. Your mother? Florida
5. Your father? uninvolved
6. Your favorite thing? food
7. Your dream last night? violent
8. Your favorite drink? wine
9. Your dream/goal? happiness
10. The room you’re in? bedroom
11. Your hobby? crafts
12. Your fear? bugs
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? happy
14. What you’re not? happy
15. Muffins? blueberry
16. One of your wish list items? baby
17. Where you grew up? Florida
18. The last thing you did? cook
19. What are you wearing? boxers
20. Favorite gadget? mp3
21. Your pets? love
22. Your computer? many
23. Your mood? blah
24. Missing someone? always
25. Your car? hot
26. Something you’re not wearing? bra
27. Favorite store? grocery
28. Like someone? most
29. Your favorite color? yellow
30. When is the last time you laughed? ...?
31. Last time you cried? ~~yesterday~~ today

Monday, Monday

2008-07-28T14:43:00.002-04:00

La daaaa la da da daaa. I think that's how the song goes. At least that's how I hear it in my head. There isn't much going on with me these days. I made a great Alfredo sauce that contains cream cheese. Who woulda thought it would turn out so well. Never buy the jarred stuff again! Today I expressed the ~~checks~~ ransom money and ~~documentation~~ promises in blood to the mortgage company. Now we wait. I've been learning so much about fish keeping. I saw a really disturbing video last night of a clown (Nemo) fish killing a damsel fish by feeding it to an anemone. The fish world is pretty interesting. Some fishes are really mean. Hubbs says after seeing the video he doesn't think we should get a clown. He was quite bothered. Says Nemo is an evil sonofabitch...lol

Todays bits

2008-07-21T19:38:00.004-04:00

Today I had my first mammogram. I've been having breast pain for a few months and some swelling on my right. Thankfully nothing showed up on the mammogram or sonogram, but now what? There is obviously something wrong, but I have no idea what to do next. Should I keep pushing?

The mammogram itself was of course uncomfortable. And good grief did my boob look HUGE plopped on that machine all squashed down. I was a total basket-case and cried all morning. Anyway, it's done. Real life sucks sometimes.

On the house front, we ran into a bit of a snag. The insurance checks were made out to include the mortgage company as a payee. Our bank wouldn't take the check. After many phone calls, turns out this is common practice and we have to send the checks to the mortgage company with the insurance estimate, contractor estimate and all this other crap documentation. Then the mortgage company will send us some of the money to get the work started and once 50% is done a reevaluation will have to take place and thennnnn we get the remaining money. Can you believe this shit? Anyway, it's annoying and causing a lot of extra unnecessary paperwork and time. Ughhhh.

We're seriously contemplating getting an aquarium. Right now we're trying to determine whether it will be salt or fresh water. I love the look of the salt/marine aquariums so much more, but neither of us has ANY experience. Not even a childhood goldfish...lol I don't want us to get in over our heads. I dunno. Anyone have experience with aquariums?

Quick Updates and Q&A

2008-07-17T22:16:00.009-04:00

Grouted, caulked and ready to roll

Well, we're still working at it. This week we grouted and caulked. Check. Check. I did some shopping for bathroom accessories and we settled on this set from JCPenney's and this cabinet from Target. I also picked up wood trim for windows that I'm going to use to frame the original bathroom mirror. See an example here.

Deathstar asked: How do you find working together on projects with your hubby?
Well, it's getting better. Our main issue is that we tackle problems very differently, although the goal is usually the same. Also he hates planning and I'm an obsessive planner. Opposite <--- ---> ends...lol Often I give in and let him do things his way to keep the peace just as long as the result is one I agree with. It helps some that I have a lot of DIY experience. My mom was a shop teacher as I was growing up and she taught me a lot too. So far we've only had one screaming match with this project :) I wish I could say it's a blast working together, but it isn't all the time. We always make it through to the end though.

Thanks for all the wonderful compliments. You all are so kind!

Progress

2008-07-14T10:49:00.009-04:00

Foyer & closet. The tiles are placed down to determine pattern and spacing. Hubbs is there cutting the closet door jamb.

We worked all weekend and got most of the foyer finished. The section around the stairs has to wait for the laminate install. I'm pretty excited about the look of it. Not bad for novices I think.

The tiles are "glued" (thinset) and waiting for grout.

We'll probably grout tonight. Woo-hoo! Well, not exactly. Not much excitement for grout. Just to be done. I'm tired of all the messy stuff and we should be using gloves more often b/c in California this stuff is known to "cause reproductive problems and cancer." Good grief. I suppose we should have been more careful with this crap cuz goodness knows we don't need any additional issues.

Hubbs decided he wanted to do a mosaic for the transition space between the bath and foyer. Here it is before grout. Isn't he crafty? :)

DIY: I'm showing this pic b/c we used American pennies (see tiles on right) for tile spacers. Worked great for a small grout line and we didn't have to spend actual money for spacers.

We ate like crap all weekend and I found out I didn't get invited to a baby shower. I think people are getting the hint. I'm officially off the family baby shower circulation list. I usually send gifts, I just can't attend.

Wordle

2008-07-13T12:17:00.005-04:00

I've seen this on a few blogs and I think it's pretty neat. This is Me Now:

Go to Wordle to create your own. It's an automatic program that creates a "Wordle" based on your blog text or words you type in. I love that based on this I'm pretty obsessed at the moment with food and DIY. So very true.

Another salad

2008-07-08T00:19:00.001-04:00

Spring mix salad with red onion, red bell pepper, grape tomatoes and feta

I've been making my own salad dressings this summer. Gotta say I love it. Of course I'm getting the recipes from Allrecipes.com. Here's my favorite dressing recipe so far:

Absolutely Fabulous Greek/House Salad dressing

INGREDIENTS (scaled down to 10 servings)

1/2 cup olive oil
1-1/4 teaspoons garlic powder
1-1/4 teaspoons dried oregano
1-1/4 teaspoons dried basil
1 teaspoon pepper
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon onion powder
1 teaspoon Dijon-style mustard
1/2 cup red wine vinegar*
1/4 cup red wine or White Merlot**
4-5 dashes balsamic vinegar**
1-4 teaspoons sugar to taste*

DIRECTIONS

In a very large container, mix together the olive oil, garlic powder, oregano, basil, pepper, salt, onion powder, sugar and Dijon-style mustard. Pour in the vinegar and wine and mix vigorously until well blended. Store tightly covered at room temperature.

*Altered or added as recommend by other reviews.
**Added by me.
The wine and sugar help lessen the punchy vinegar taste. Yeah...that's it :)

Here's my cat wondering when we're gonna be finished with the downstairs already! He makes me so nervous when he does this.

Bribing the neighbors

2008-07-07T11:14:00.008-04:00

My husband can be quite determined. He has a hard time stopping when in the middle or changing direction no matter what the circumstance. DIY Tip: If ever you decide to rent tools from Home Depot--if you rent on Friday night at 6:01pm, you can pay the minimum (4 hr.) rental fee and keep the equipment until 9am the following day. So we rented a wet saw and got to cuttin' on the front porch. Well, the saw was LOUD. Very loud. And it was the 4th of July and people were out on their porches and lawns celebrating and waiting for fireworks. We were still cutting at 10:30pm. Ughhh. Hubbs paid no mind to my un-neighborly worries and forged on. So then I had to spend tons of time on Saturday baking bribery-thank-you-for-not-calling-the-police-on-us-cookies. See the picture above. This was my first time making shortbread cookies and melting dark chocolate Hershey's Kisses. Really great combo.

Today my ass and thighs are burning. I hate DIY. Officially. We finally cut and put in all the marble for the bath and grouted. I'm a little pissed about the grout b/c it's much lighter than the color on the box. Warning: Laticrete Almond looks White. Next are the sink connects and the toilet connects and we move on to the foyer tiles. Sooo not looking forward to it.

We had a pretty healthy 4th meal of sauteed veggies and yummy potatoes. No meat. However, we more than made up for it with pizza on Saturday :)

Working weekend

2008-06-30T11:32:00.006-04:00

New paint and light fixture. Gotta touch-up the walls and trim still. Yes, there's a lot of color in our home. What can I say? I grew up in South Florida and I love color.

Marble floor tiles we're installing.

Slowly but surely we're getting there. I really want to make more of an effort to get more done on my own this week. Waiting for the weekend really puts the squeeze on these projects. I'm so sore and tired today. I didn't get to bed until 6:30am. Not cuz I was working on the bath, but cuz I was glued to Ree's story of how she met her husband. Such a great story! Can't wait to see the next part. I'm new to her site and it has quickly become one of my favorite new obsessions. Her recipes are simple and look marvelous. Food blogs are my new thing as of late. I'm not doing any cooking, but just like looking at the pics :)

Food Porn Daily
Palmabella's Passions
Cream Puffs in Venice (via Canada...lol)
The Pioneer Woman

Italy, Food and Farms--all my favorite things.

Stamp out infertility

2008-06-26T22:37:00.004-04:00

There are times when I can actually feel a baby in my arms resting on my chest. At first, it's comforting and warm. I can feel her head cradled in my protective hand and my lips kissing her soft head. And then I take a breath and as my lungs fill with air and my chest rises, I feel the heavy emptiness. Sometimes when we're in bed I imagine him in between us. I see my hand stroking his tiny back. The pain of infertility is so palpable for me. The air is thick and I feel as though someone is seated on my neck.

Seeing this stamp reminded me of that feeling.

Welcome to rambles

2008-06-25T16:41:00.007-04:00

1/2 Bath before demo

My house is such a mess. I don't feel like doing anything cuz everywhere I look there are piles of crap!

I joined a gym for a month. Yay me!! I'm starting slowly. I can't believe there was actually a point in my past where I ran 3-miles a day. Long time ago. But still. Wow. Just keep swimming...

Anyone considering doing the 21-day cleanse?

My battery died or rather was dead when I went to crank my car on Monday morning. Finally got a new one today. Glad it was something simple and cheap. Also glad hubbs and I can do these things ourselves.

Monday I had a doc appointment that I had to cancel. I was going in to ask for a script for meds. You know, of the feel good variety. Now I can't get back in until mid July. I often look for signs in things. Something trying to get in my way. However, I do tend to use that idea when it's convenient though.

One of things we're doing on our own is the 1/2 bath downstairs. This past weekend we ripped out the toilet, sink and floor. Whew! Created even more of mess. We're also doing the ceramic & marble tile floors ourselves. Yeah, crazy, I know. When I was younger I was so into DIY. Now, I just want to call someone but money always pushes me or motivates me. BTW, marble tiles are hella heavy!!

So if anyone has DIY bathroom or tile advice, give it to me!

1/2 Bath after demo

I'm addicted...

2008-06-12T21:43:00.006-04:00

to this song and video:

Seriously, if Mr. Heckles lived below me, he'd be hitting the ceiling with a broom...lol
Also addicted to this kettle popcorn: Indiana Popcorn

Yep, another post about Charlotte

2008-06-05T10:56:00.005-04:00

Ok. So hubbs* and I went to see Sex and the City over the weekend. As everyone knows from the previews (which pretty much tell the entire movie) Charlotte is pregnant.

--------SPOILERS AHEAD--------

In the film, after adopting a baby, Charlotte finds herself with a surprise pregnancy. She tosses out there that people told her once she relaxed and adopted--she would get pregnant. Ya know, like magic. When this scene played on the big screen, I actually laughed out load and said something along the lines of "yeah, right." Very loudly. In a silent theater. I should have stood up and yelled like Sunny. It was a really bothersome scene and it took a little while sitting there to get back to enjoying the film. In my head I tried to make excuses for the whole thing. I told myself that it was written by a man and that people who haven't experienced infertility (IF) just can't understand. Similar to what I tell myself when someone says those things to me. I find I have to rationalize it so I don't get too upset by it anymore.

Don't we all wish there was a magic solution or cure to IF. But here in the real world, real crappy stuff happens. Sometimes over and over to the same people. What's funny is that the IF storyline struck me so, and was very hard for me to believe. But the rest of it I was able to buy hook, line, and sinker. I bought into the fantasy that someone left standing at the alter would run back into the arms of the man that left her there. Perhaps someone else in a theater cried out at the scene where there finally was a wedding because she was left at the alter and thought "there is no way in hell."

I liked the movie a lot in spite of Charlotte and her magic pregnancy. I've accepted that there are things you can't understand until you've experience them. Perhaps that's just the way I keep myself from wishing evil upon others on a daily basis. Like my mother when she called to tell me that I needed to douche with salt water in order to get pregnant. Cuz, ya know, she was talking to a woman at a party who tried to get pregnant for 13 years and it worked for her 40 years ago. Never mind the sperm issue we have. Douching will fix allllll that. Anyway...

*Don't feel sorry for my husband for having to see this with me. We saw Indiana Jones first and then Sex. Besides, he actually liked it :)

Summer Salads

2008-06-03T23:36:00.009-04:00

Chicken Salad pic from Web. Looks very much like my mine did.

Since our brief stay with my in-laws, I'm addicted to tuna salad. My mother-in-law had some in her fridge the night of the grape martinis and I fell in love with it the moment I tasted it. I kept telling hubbs how wonderful it was and how he just had to taste it. So he finally tastes it and of course says "um...yeah. Tastes like it always does." My face kinda went flat and then I became instantly jealous that he grew up eating something so wonderful on a regular basis. Anyway, I found a similar recipe online and it's very good:

Barbie's Tuna Salad

1 (7 ounce) can white tuna, drained and flaked
4-6 tablespoons mayonnaise or salad dressing
1 tablespoon Parmesan cheese
3 tablespoons sweet pickle relish
1/8 teaspoon dried minced onion flakes*
1/4 teaspoon curry powder
1 tablespoon dried parsley
1 teaspoon dried dill weed
1 pinch garlic powder

In a medium bowl, stir together the tuna, mayonnaise, Parmesan cheese, and onion flakes. Season with curry powder, parsley, dill and garlic powder. Mix well and serve with crackers or on a sandwich.

*When my MIL makes it, she soaks the onion flakes in water first. I've been doing it too and I like it better than leaving them dry.

Changes I made:
I doubled the recipe and used 2-cans of tuna.
I didn't add the curry or dill b/c I didn't have them.
I used a lot more relish and onion flakes than called for--but I'm excessive like that.
I added salt and pepper and a bit it cayenne.
I added 2 boiled eggs.

While we were in Hawaii, we ate lunch at a little deli and had a wonderful (expensive) chicken salad. I made this recipe too: Carol's Chicken Salad using rotisserie chicken I got from the grocery store. Also very good. The grapes added a nice sweet burst to the chicken. I left the nuts and celery out, added 1 boiled egg and used Parm instead of Swiss. Great quick recipes for someone who barely has a kitchen!

Back to reality

2008-05-30T11:37:00.001-04:00

Crazy, right? Sofas on top of each other, random doors--just a mess.

Umm...yeah. I woke up last Thursday morning to a soaking wet first floor. I immediately went nuts and called hubbs in Hawaii (at 4am his time) to find out how to shut the water off from inside the house.* I honestly can't even believe the last week. Thank goodness that my in-laws are close by and retired b/c the shit was a mess. Our hot water heater went bad and there is no drain the in storage closet where it sits. My father-in-law and husbands cousin came over to suck the water outta the carpet. They also helped me move the furniture and put stuff under the legs so the wood wouldn't be ruined. I can't tell you how thankful I am to have had people to help me through this.

On Friday night, I went to my in-laws to take a shower. I get there and my father-in-law (FIL) asks me have I ever had a grape martini. I tell him no and he then insists I have one. Now I knew that once I start drinking I was done for the evening which meant I wouldn't be driving home. I know I must have had at least six martinis plus 2-shots. I definitely out-drank my FIL. The next morning (Saturday) I jumped up at o-dark-thirty and ran home b/c I'd left my pets without care overnight. They were fine and I waited for my FIL and the plumber to arrive so I could leave and pick-up hubbs from the airport. My FIL arrived holding his head and looking totally hungover. By the time we got back from the airport, the plumber was gone and so was my FIL. Plumber couldn't help b/c it turns out we have polybutylene pipes--which I'm actually familiar with b/c of the horror stories, but had no idea we had them. INSERT: Total panic. Then I get a call from my mother-in-law telling me that she's had to rush FIL to the hospital due to chest pains. Shit. My poor husband was so tired that I told him to sleep while I handled all phone calls, floor rip-up, and furniture moving. Once we finally get the hospital we learned that my FIL needed to have 2-stents put in to 80-90% blocked arteries. He got through surgery fine and should be resting, but won't.

On Sunday I get a call from my mom telling me that my uncle had been car-jacked and robbed at gunpoint while attending a chess tournament. He tore a tendon in his knee while running from gunshots and is having surgery today. We were suppose to go with my aunt and uncle to Vegas in July, but his doctor says he can't take the trip now. This is all so nuts. The whole freaking weekend is a blur and I can't believe all that actually happened.

Long story shortened, I called insurance and they sent someone over the weekend to collect the carpet, padding and wood floors. There was no working water, and blowers and dehumidifiers were going everywhere--so once I pick up the hubbs from the airport, we went to his parents to stay. On Tuesday, the new water heater was installed (thanks only to family members) and we're back to the home-with-no-floors. Oh yeah, they also found termites in a corner next to the pipes eating their nasty little way through the trim. Fuckers. Someone came this morning and sprayed/treated for them. I hope it fixes the problem.

Everyone is safe and seemingly fine now. I have to be thankful for that. I have a terrible cold and have been in bed for 2-days. Feeling a little better now. We're living in the bedroom and the insurance adjuster won't be here until June 5th. Yeah. Isn't that all kinds of wonderful.

I felt so bad for my husband having to come home to all of this from Hawaii.

*Notes:
1. Know where your emergency shut-offs are and how to operate them.
2. When you leave town, turn your household water off. Can you imagine if this had happened while we were away?!!!

No floors!!

Thoughts on Hawaii

2008-05-22T00:27:00.002-04:00

From top of Diamond Head Crater

What to say...the vacay was ok. As most of my vacays are. I'm beginning to realize I'm simply not happy no matter where in the world I am. My real life problems seep in. The whole first week I was in Hawaii I was completely stressed and worried about my life and problems at home. Finally I was able to loosen up a little and breathe the sweet air at the beginning of week-2. By Thursday I was not sleeping again. Already anticipating the return home. Crazy, huh? Plus my husband was there to work, so I was alone during the day with only my thoughts. I can't tell you how much I looked forward to him coming in every night just so we could have dinner.

Anyway, not to sound ungrateful--it was beautiful. The beaches and mountains especially. The rest reminded me of Ft. Lauderdale in the '80s. You remember growing up hearing that Hawaii was the place to be. Everyone wanted to honeymoon there and vacation there--but it was expensive. Well, it's still expensive, but also still looks like it's the '80s. Lots of renovation and updating needed. Graffiti is everywhere and crime is a problem. There is also a big homeless problem. However, I can only speak for Oahu. Maybe some of the less developed islands are different.

In case anyone ever goes to Waikiki, here are some notes and just my opinions:
--Stay at the Hilton Prince Kuhio, not the Hilton Hawaiian Village. The Prince Kuhio is only 1-city block from beach and is really in the heart of everything. It's also been renovated, is cheaper and the (minimal) gym is free.
--Hamburger in Paradise is hot (not in a good way) and the burgers are not good. Skip it!
--Moose McGillicuddy's on Lewers has the best happy hour (any drink $3) and really good food. Try the fried ono on all-u-can-eat-fish-and-chips-Friday for $11.95. Don't got between 7-9pm b/c there are no drink specials.
--Diamond Head is a bitch of a hike. Don't let anyone tell you different. Definitely doable, but it's not an easy hike.
--Lanikai is the best beach--hands down. Kailua is nice too but more crowded. At Lanikai it's possible to find a little beach just for you. It is behind homes in a residential neighborhood, but the beach is public. Earlier is better b/c of erosion.
--La Pizza Rina is so good and it's cheap. Check out the Cheap Places to Eat in Oahu food blog. Full of great info.
--My new favorite wine is Volcano Macadamia Nut Honey. OMG. Totally sucks it's not sold on the mainland. Cheapest at Walmart or the ABC stores. Around $15/bottle.
--You can use bus transfers for a roundtrip.
--Traffic sucks and is a major problem. Worse of course at rushhour.
--Take the time to smell a plumeria blossom. Wow. Next to Lily of the Valley, it's the most beautifully fragrant flower I know.
--Check out the Marriott's Kuhio Beach Grill buffet early bird special on the weekend. Its $26/pp, but so damn good. Better on weekends.
--Ughhh to the Da Big Kahuna on Kuhio. Drinks seemed sooo watered down it's not even funny. Even the shots.
--If you're walking down Kalakaua, walk down the beach side and you won't be attacked by the flyer brigade.

I guess that's it. I tried to take moments to soak-in where I was and realize I'd probably never be there again. The Hubbs is still there until Friday. Can't wait for him to return!

Hanauma Bay

Waikiki Sunset

Hubbs and Me on Lanikai beach. Just us :)

Sex...the movie

2008-05-21T22:30:00.003-04:00

Is it just me or has anyone else been going crazy looking for spoilers for this film?? It's been so difficult to find out anything. But finally, freakin' finally I found out what happens--beyond what I can already tell from the previews. I actually sighed a huge relief once I found out. How funny is that? I still want to see the film, but I've become increasingly bad at waiting to see what happens. Blame it on infertility I guess. The 2-week-wait has made me not want to wait for anything. I have to know. I won't post the spoilers here, but if anyone wants to know--email me.

Ooo-la-la

2008-05-15T00:14:00.003-04:00

Lanikai beach in Kailua, Hawaii

So I'm back. Kinda. I need to take a couple days to adjust to my current time zone. Hope everyone is well.

Is this thing on??

2008-04-17T13:02:00.004-04:00

Well, well, well. Where in the hell have I been? I don't really know. It seemed to start with my hand problems and then just went downhill. Emotionally downhill. Since we're not actively seeking treatment--I just don't feel like much a part of the IF community. I'll always be a member, but now I'm feeling like an outsider. Thanks so much to all that have left messages or sent an email wondering where I've been. I'm ok. I should have written an explanation earlier. I apologize.

Ok...so to update.
We're still just holding on infertility-wise. Don't know what's next.
I'm still juicing--almost daily. We've gotten just a little off-track recently. Hubbs has lost 42 lbs!!
I'm still not exercising. I know it really is the key to me losing weight, but for some reason I just haven't done it. I think about it everyday tho :)
I'm going to Hawaii for 2-weeks. Leaving on the 28th. Woooo-hoooo! Hubbs will be there for a month for work. As of today I'm really looking forward to the trip :)

That's it. I've been reading blogs, but not commenting. Miss you guys.

I'm Back!

2008-02-04T14:03:00.000-05:00

Hubbs on the slopes.

Skiing and Sundance was great! Had a wonderful time and I didn't bust my ass...lol We did take a (3 hour!!!!) ski lesson, but it wasn't much help. Honestly, it seemed to cause more problems. The hubbs and I both in-line skate (Rollerblade), and the movement is very similar to skiing. The huge difference is skiing is all downhill and speed is/can be hard to control. Once we learned how to stop--pizza and fries--we were golden. In the end, I've decided that skiing isn't for me. It just wasn't a lot of fun. Going downhill at fast speeds isn't exciting to me. It's scary. And the lifts--don't get me going on those things. How people aren't falling outta the sky is beyond me. Seriously. At least I got to go and learn at one of the best places to ski in this country. It was absolutely beautiful and amazing.

And then there was Sundance! We got to see one film--Under the Bombs. A great film--truly a surprise. Park City was full of excitement and celebs. We saw a few and got a picture of one. Anyone know who this is:

I'm so grateful have been able to get away, although--I came back to the flu. Hubbs and I both got sick upon our return. He is still sick. I feel like I'm never gonna catch up on everything. I'm going to try :)

Ski and Sundance

2008-01-07T19:00:00.000-05:00

We're going skiing! Park City, Utah for 6-days. Never been skiing. Kinda excited. Also, The Sundance Film Festival is going on while we're there. Woo-hoo! So, I'm looking for some ski advice here. Anyone been skiing in Park City? Or been to the Festival? We want to try and catch a couple films if we can get in. Gonna try. So anyone got tips--advice welcome :)

My hand still hurts, but I finally have a doc appointment next week. I miss commenting!

Better and still green

2008-01-03T22:45:00.000-05:00

My sincere thanks for all the well wishes. I'm feeling much better these days and mom is gone. This is gonna be kinda short cuz my wrist/hand is hurting again. I had to type all my holiday cards!! Still drinking my green drink daily and eating veggie soups :)

Happy New Year Everyone!

CoughHackBlow

2007-12-18T23:30:00.000-05:00

My lovely husband gave me his gremlim germs. I've been sick for over a week. You would think the green drink would have prevented all this?? lol I feel like total crap. I hope to catch up and start posting again soon.

Fergie--I definitely think the green drink has become a habit. The eating healthy part is a daily struggle, but I'm trying to stay committed. We're trying to stay committed.

Day 30! We did it!!

2007-12-12T20:16:00.000-05:00

Wow. I can't believe it. I wish I had something really profound and interesting to say. All I really got is "We did it for 30 whole days."

Honestly, I haven't really lost a lot of weight or felt amazing. What I do feel better about are my food choices. I no longer feel guilty after a meal and this has become a permanent change for me. I'm sure more weight will come off as I exercise more, so I'm trying not to let that discourage me. I know that eating better is benefiting me in more ways that I can see and feel. I'll continue drinking the green drink daily with the hubbs :)

I can't say enough to thank everyone for all the support I've received. I want to also and especially thank all of you that participated in this challenge. Best of luck to you in continued healthy eating!

Days 28-29...almost there

2007-12-11T21:33:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow is the day! I can't believe it's been 29 days. I've been really busy keeping my mom occupied. Does it make anyone else feel guilty when you mom is cleaning areas of your home? It's kinda weird. I want her to relax and she's constantly trying to do stuff. Anyway...

We're almost there.

Days 26-27...Expense of eating well

2007-12-09T12:11:00.000-05:00

I grocery shop often. Always have. I can go to the grocery store daily and it doesn't at all feel weird. However, since starting this Challenge I have not only been shopping daily--but also visiting multiple stores daily. Eating everything fresh keeps me going to the store and the green drink ingredients are not as easy to find as one may think. Parsley, spinach and ginger are not available at every grocery store daily. Parsley seems to be the toughest. Even if the store has it, it usually looks like crap. WTF is up with the pond of nasty water most stores have it floating in? I know they don't want it to dry out, but isn't that what the fake "rainfall" is for?

And then there's the expense. Wow. I have really noticed that it's pretty pricey to eat like this and I'm not even doing all organic. Not even half organic. I haven't figured out if there's a trick to save more yet. I do shop around at different stores cuz I know certain things are cheaper at certain stores. For example, cucumbers are .99 cents each at Safeway and 3 for $2.00 at Giant. Shoppers Food Warehouse is hit-or-miss with the fruits and veggies, but it tends to be a cheaper store overall. Anyway, I'd say my grocery store bill has probably doubled. It being winter isn't helping either. Ughhhh.

BTW, I want to thank APoopSlingingMonkey for the suggestion of recycling pulp back through the juicer. Definitely works!!

Day 25...Show some support

2007-12-07T10:20:00.000-05:00

The lovely and very talented JJ from Reproductive Jeans is selling her newly recorded Christmas Holiday CD. All the profits from the sale of the CD will go toward helping Mook and JJ become parents. As you know, ART and Adoption and therapy for when things fall apart are all very expensive. Please stop by JJ's blog and get details on how you can do something wonderful for someone else. I know not everyone celebrates Christmas--but we all know someone who does. Consider giving the CD as a gift. I personally know that JJ has a beautiful voice from the Braces Bunch CD, and I've met her and her husband Mook in person and they're awesome! Can't wait to receive my CD :)

Days 23-24

2007-12-06T21:52:00.000-05:00

Mom's here. Don't really know what to do with her besides take her on my daily trips to the grocery store. She likes the green drink and the meals I'm making. I just found out that she's a Type II Diabetic diagnosed in March. Wow. She's always been thin and a healthy eater. Her doctor told her it was probably genetic. My grandmother was diabetic towards the end of her life. She lived to be 80. My mom is 61. It's scary to think about your body turning against you. It's scary to realize sometimes you have no control over which disease or diseases you may end up suffering with. One of the things infertility has taught me is that you never know what will happen. You never know inside your body or outside of it.

Thanks for the continued support and to everyone one for hanging there with this challenge. I'm so proud of us all! Only 6 Days left!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Day 22...Back to basics

2007-12-04T09:41:00.000-05:00

I haven't mentioned infertility in quite a while and yesterday "Shar" left a comment asking how D and I are dealing with the male factor (MF) diagnosis. She and her husband have just found out they have a MF problem too. When we first found out, we wanted a solution. We tried vitamins, bags of frozen peas in the evenings, boxers, urologist after urologist, drugs, and finally exercise--which was the only thing that helped improve D's count. Of course, we were devastated and still are. These days, we've shifted our thinking somewhat to getting healthy and feeling better. It just doesn't feel right to go forward without doing this first. Granted, when we started this 3-hour-tour-to-hell, we were both younger and I was in much better shape-- but that was then and here we are now. I really don't know how we "deal" with it all. Just wake up and get outta bed...most days. I've definitely been depressed--am depressed--wanted to run away. Still here. We've been seeing a therapist together and it's helped more than anything else. So that's it. We're focusing on something that we can control and have let get out of control--for now.

Shar, if you have any other questions feel free to email me. Also, visit Mel's blog list and find others dealing with a male factor diagnosis. Which reminds me I really need to update my blogroll! I have so many new friends and readers to add :)

Day 21...A new juicer

2007-12-03T11:07:00.000-05:00

We used the new juicer all weekend and this morning. I decided to get a Breville because it came highly recommended online and in the book I'm reading. It has a really powerful motor and spins a lot faster than the LaLanne juicer--supposedly. It was also reported to be an easier clean-up.

Here's D "juicing" the limes and lemons separately. We learned that it's easier and quicker to do them this way rather than taking the time to cut the peel away and put them in the big juicer.

Here's another tip: When juicing greens, put them in between fruit pieces. Otherwise, they seem to just shoot through the machine without juicing. Make a sandwich :)

There's the juice shooting out of the spout and straight into the container. No chance to get splashed.

One great feature is the little plastic piece that keeps the foam from going into your glass. Wonderful thing. D doesn't have to leave the house with a veggie mustache :)

So far, I like the juicer. I am a little skeptical about the better juicing power though. When using the LaLanne, it usually yields at least 2.5 glasses of juice. I'm using the same amount of fruits and veggies and only getting 2 glasses. Perhaps there's less pulp getting through?? Not sure. As far as the clean-up, this makes just as much of a mess in my opinion. However, it has smaller pieces so it's not as awkward to clean. The basket is a little tougher to clean because of the finer steel mesh. If anyone wants the promo code to receive an additional 10-20% off a purchase at M.acy's dot com--email me. Offer ends today. I got the juicer for $134+tax.

Today and tomorrow I'm gonna be busy getting the guest room and bath ready for my mom who is coming for a month tomorrow evening. I was suppose to do all this getting ready stuff in the beginning of November. I can't believe I did this to myself. Anyway, everyone enjoy your day!

Day 20

2007-12-02T19:20:00.000-05:00

Wow. I can't believe it's day 20 of this challenge. Only 10 days left. This weekend was really tough. Having friends here made it difficult motivation-wise to stick to eating sensibly, especially since we went out to eat at least once all three days. Surprisingly, I didn't do terribly with my choices. If nothing else I learned that I can make good decisions at most restaurants, and even when it's harder (like at Maggiano's??!!) I can eat much smaller portions and not take home leftovers. In the end, I feel like I can continue this "diet" indefinitely. It's a good feeling. I think something has finally shifted in my way of thinking when it comes to food choices.

My friend brought a 20% Macy's discount coupon for me and I purchased a Breville Juicer so I can give D's cousin back his juicer. We're definitely going to keep juicing daily. The hubbs is addicted and I'm sure it's doing some healthy healing for me too :) Maybe I can post pics of the new juicer in-action tomorrow in case anyone is interested.

I'm so sad I had to miss the DC Bloggers cookie exchange today. Boooo-hoooo!! I hope everyone had a great time and I'll see you all next month :)

Days 18-19 Busy bee

2007-12-01T11:31:00.000-05:00

I have friends that came into town from Florida, and I'm keeping busy doing touristy DC things! I'll definitely do a longer post tomorrow.

Enjoy your weekend!

Day 17 Over halfway there

2007-11-29T11:53:00.000-05:00

Baked Sweet Potatoes

Just cuz I think this is funny: "New Rule: Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas must be combined into one single super-holiday--called "Thankshallowistmas." That way, you only have to get together with your bat-shit family once. In a costume for candy, presents and a big turkey dinner. Then it's everybody into the den until you're drunken uncle calls your cousin a whore," from Bill Maher's New Rules.

I was talking with the hubbs last night about how we're feeling on this new "diet." He says he feels a lot better and has more energy at the gym. Also, his indigestion has disappeared. No more tums. The changes I've noticed are I'm no longer sleepy after meals and I'm never super-full. I'd say I've lost about 5lbs. Getting older sucks sometimes. Weight just doesn't melt away like it used to.

Tonight was Baked Sweet Potatoes from AllRecipes.com of course :)

Cubed the sweet potatoes and chopped 1 onion. Adding onion was suggested by a few of the reviewers and I think it was a brilliant idea.

Mixed it all in a bowl with an Italian herb blend, olive oil, salt and pepper. Again, I took suggestions from others and added extra olive oil and seasoning.

Into a glass dish and then the oven for 1 hour.

Voila! I did stir occasionally and broiled at the end for a little crispiness.

I really liked this and so did D. It was different from the usual sweet dish. I would definitely make it again.

Carrie and Susan mentioned wanting a Sweet Potato soup recipe. AllRecipes has a creamy one here . Got great reviews and some people substituted the sugar in it with Splenda. Let me know if you try it out.

Day 16 Feeling better

2007-11-28T23:09:00.000-05:00

Thanks so much for all the well wishes and advice. Today was much better. I feel like I can actually wait until mid-December for an appointment.

So the challenge is going ok. I'd say well, but I really need to exercise. As far as food choices go, I'm doing a good job I think. I look most forward to dinner which is usually sauteed veggies or soup. Tomorrow I'm going to try a sweet potato recipe and I'll post pics. Short post again :)

Days 13-14...maybe 15 too

2007-11-26T14:26:00.000-05:00

Hi Everyone. I'm still pecking away at the keys. My hand is killing and moving up my arm. It was a pretty miserable holiday at times. At one point I thought about going to emergency. Anyway, I'm still drinking the green and I didn't do too terrible over the holiday thank goodness. Had our drink daily and ate pretty sensibly.

I have a lot of catch-up reading to do and I need to find an hand specialist that has an appointment before mid-freaking December!!??

Also, to those of you waiting on bracelets--I promise to try and get them out by Saturday. I'll just swallow a few advil and get through the last few :)

Days 9-12

2007-11-21T10:43:00.000-05:00

Still here with the hurt finger. It's really my thumb and index fingers. I was looking up "crochet finger injury" and someone mentioned carpal tunnel. I'll have to go to the doc and find out. Thanks for the well wishes :)

D and I are leaving for South Carolina today for the holiday. I won't be posting while I'm gone :( Everyone have a great week! Keep up the good work and I'll check-in once I return.

Day 8 Pecking at the keys

2007-11-19T22:42:00.000-05:00

My finger is injured from over-crocheting and it's hard to type. It's been like this for many months now. I can't finish my granny square blanket and it is easily aggravated. Ughhhhh. This is a short post. I made it through today. I didn't eat much though. Weird.

Day 7 Check your labels

2007-11-18T22:24:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I watched a tivo'd special Dr. Oz had on DHC. I had no idea partially hydrongenated oils and enriched ingredients are so terrible for you. Actually, I didn't even know exactly what they were until the special and "enriched" always sounded like a good thing when reading food labels. Tomorrow...er...eventually, I need to have a cabinet clean-out. Until then I'll be reading every label armed with new information.

Well guys, it's the end of week one. Whew! I can't believe I made it and resisted Bojangles chicken strips and UTZ cheese balls. Dr. Oz says it takes 2-weeks to form a new habit. 1-down, 1-to-go. It hasn't been as bad as I thought it was going to be. I can honestly say it's probably the easiest "diet" I've ever been on. I'm even getting used to the green goo :) The hardest part has been the cleaning and chopping of all the veggies, but I hate doing that stuff even when I'm making chicken pot pies and the like. Grocery shopping is also a bit of a chore for now. I think I need to figure out where the best places to go are and when. Anyone got any tips?

Good luck to everyone this week. I know it's gonna be tough with the holiday for those of us in the US, but do your best and don't feel guilty about enjoying a little stuffing on Turkey day :)

Days 5 & 6 of Get Healthy

2007-11-17T11:28:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was pretty uneventful. Today is shaping-up to be the same. I did make a great veggie soup last night for dinner. Here's the recipe:

Veggie Soup

2-cans vegetable broth
1-can chicken broth (If you don't want chicken broth, use another can of vegetable broth)
1-cup water
2-3 vegetable bullion cubes
1-can (or fresh) green beans drained
1-can navy or black beans drained
10-baby carrots diced or sliced
1-zucchini
1-onion
2-celery stalks
1/3-jalapeno sliced thin (optional)
1/2-yellow bell pepper (or green)
2-tablespoons dried Italian herbs
pepper to taste

Add broth and water to pot and all ingredients except for zucchini. Bring to a boil and simmer until carrots are tender. Add zucchini and cook for an additional 5-8 minutes. Until zucchini is tender, but not mushy.

This is the second time I made veggie soup this week. It's really tasty and easy to make. You can add any other veggies or substitute. The first time I used navy beans and the second I used black beans. Generally, I season "to-taste." You may want less bullion cubes, more water, etc.

I had one bowl and when I later went back to get another...here's what my husband left for me:

I guess he liked it :)

Day 4 of Get Healthy

2007-11-15T21:58:00.000-05:00

Today was a bit rough. I think I'm expecting to feel more too soon and the fact that I'm not has got me a little bummed. I know it's going to take a little time to really feel and notice change. I have to keep reminding myself of that. The good thing is I'm not very hungry. My worst time is midday, but once I'm through it I feel better. The snacks are helping.

Thanks to everyone for all the support and encouragement. All the positive thoughts are so helpful to not only me but everyone participating. Thank You. Thank You.

And keep up the great work everyone!!

A word on the videos...
Ughhh. I'm having technical difficulties. Don't buy a Canon Elura camcorder!! We've had this thing for 4 years and used it all of 5-times and now it's doing this crazy-ass "eject cassette" bull all the time. Looking around online, I found out this is a known problem with this model and Canon doesn't care. Best believe I'm calling tomorrow and giving it my best shot at some kind of resolution. Why-o-why when companies put out a crap product won't they do the right thing?? Especially a huge company like Canon.

Day 3...a moving experience

2007-11-14T21:51:00.000-05:00

Animation of Colonic

Um...wow. The colonic wasn't the most horrible experience I'm glad to say. Funny, after all the infertility exams and tests I've had to go through--this was the least invasive procedure ever. I experienced some cramping and wimped out after 60% was finished (about 35 minutes). The therapist told me it gets better with each session. I really wish I had been able to finish. I was in a room alone (using machine in above animation) and was able to control the water flow and see what was coming out. Wow...again.

It was totally worth it and like I said, I wish I had been able to complete the session. Some people go once a month, some once a year. I'm definitely going to give it another try.

If you're interested in getting a colonic (colon hydrotherapy) you can find a therapist here: Colon Health Network. I went to Naturally Clean in Maryland. I really liked the therapist and would definitely recommend this center.

I'll have to do a video blog on this tomorrow. I'm really tired--the colonic took everything outta me! LOL...get it? Um...yeah, it's time for bed. If anyone has any questions--ask away!

Day 2 of Get Healthy

2007-11-13T10:31:00.000-05:00

OK, so this morning I woke up with a headache. I still have it. I was trying to give it time to go away, but it ain't working. I think I'm going through withdrawal...craving UTZ cheese balls...lol

So yesterday was weird. Like I said in my video, I seemed to experience a little high after the morning drink which lasted a couple hours. Then, like a ton of bricks--I was starving! I experienced the starving problem again a few hours later so I snacked on dried cranberries and sunflower seeds until dinner. Dinner was sauteed zucchini and onions and a huge salad.

Here's the new blender:

Today we decided to double the recipe, which turned out to be too much:

We used the juicer for everything except the parsley and spinach. Once we juiced, we mixed it all in the blender. The blender definitely helped--I think?--to get the spinach and parsley mixed up more. The drink didn't taste any different though. I'm drinking the rest of the juice for lunch.

I made an appointment for a colonic yesterday. I've never had one, so this will be interesting. I go tomorrow--wish me luck! Oh yeah...headache is gone.

Me on YouTube Day 2

Day 1...of a different kind Updated

2007-11-12T12:04:00.000-05:00

UPDATE--Find out your Real Age HERE. Ummm...I'm coming in at 38.5 when I'm really 31. Ughhh. Also, here's my video for the day: Me on YouTube

Today is the first day of our 30-Day Get Healthy Challenge! Wooooo hoooooo! Below are the participants:
Jendeis
Bean
Fergie
Ms. Infertile
Susan
Kristi
JJ
Carrie
NoSwimmers
K @ OurBoxOfRain
Me :)

Please visit their blogs and offer some support! It's not too late to join us. Leave a comment if you want to participate!

OK, I did it! I drank the green stuff!!! It wasn't bad at all. We used Dr. Oz's recipe and added 1 extra apple and some grapes. I did a video blog that I'll post on YouTube later today once I figure it all out :)

Here's the hubbs chopping the goods.

Here he is "feeding" the machine. I always let him do the fun parts :)

Voila! I grabbed any two glasses outta the dishwasher, but we had equal amounts. I drank 2 small glasses and he had the 1 tall.

This is the only part that is a pain. The clean-up took about 10 minutes just rinsing and pulling apart the machine. If we get our own, we may look for one that is easier to clean.

Honestly, it wasn't gross and the flavor wasn't as intense as I thought it would be. Nowadays, when you buy juice from the store the favors are strong and sweet. With this drink I could definitely taste the celery, cucumber and ginger. Much different than tasting added artificial flavors. I made my husband taste it first...lol Today I'm going to get a blender. The parsley and spinach didn't really juice and pretty much just shot out the back still intact.

Shopping for the challenge

2007-11-11T20:46:00.001-05:00

After meeting with the lovely DC Metro infertility bloggers, I stopped by Whole Foods to do a little shopping. Can I just tell you I felt completely freaked? I love Whole Foods and I was a shopper back when it was Fresh Fields, but going there sometimes causes more stress than its worth. Why is everyone in such a rush in that store and why-o-why are the stores all so small?? Today was by far my worst experience ever. It didn't help that I had a list of items I wasn't all that familiar with. I just couldn't take the time to look around. I got a few things and finished my shopping at Giant. There are other healthy and organic grocers in the area like M.O.M., so I'm going to definitely visit other places.

Here's what my table looks like tonight. My car smalled like a veggie garden on the way home...lol I'm not looking forward to washing all this stuff. Again, I'm reading Raw Food Detox Diet.

Hope everyone is up for the challenge starting tomorrow!! Thanks to all that are participating and if YOU want to participate, leave a comment and I'll add your name. As Bean said--"Go Team!"

Click the 30-Day Challenge Button on my sidebar to learn more about this challenge.

Bracelets are GONE!! More info

2007-11-09T13:51:00.000-05:00

Wow--this has been a long journey! Since August I've been giving away bracelets and I've finally reached my goal of 100 Free Infertility Awareness bracelets given away. I have "met" lots of new bloggers and non bloggers with many that have touched my heart by sharing personal stories. Thank you all so much!

Originally, I planned to start selling the bracelets with 100% of the profit going to Infertility Awareness after the freebies. However, it took quite a while to give away 100 so I just don't know there is a need for it. If you want to buy one, send me an email and I'll get a list going. If I get enough requests, I'll sell them: infertility.bracelets@gmail.com

Again, please visit the original post HERE to learn how this project started and what supplies you need to make your own bracelet.

OK, I've had lots of people wondering how to put the icon on their blog sidebar. I found a couple of articles that explain it:
Old Classic Blogger
New Blogger Version
I hope the articles are helpful! Good Luck.

Flor sent me an email asking me to post instructions on how I made the bracelets. Here you go:

1. Cut three 13.25" pieces of DMC 814 string/floss
2. Tie a knot 2" down
3. Secure the knotted threads to a pillow (can use anything)

4. Braid the threads

5. Be sure to stop at different points to untangle the bottom

6. Once you have a little over 7" of braided string, tie another knot. You should have 2" of unbraided thread on both ends.
You, of course, can make your bracelet shorter or longer. Good Luck!

One more thing. It's been interesting to read honest stories on blogs of people getting the bracelets and then being apprehensive to wear them. Coming out of the infertility closet can be really tough. Even if you never wear it, having it may just remind you at times that you are never alone in this struggle.

Getting to the Gettin'

2007-11-08T11:51:00.000-05:00

I created a button/logo for the 30-Day Get Healthy Challenge. Feel free to use it.

So far, here are the participants:
Jendeis
Bean
Fergie
Ms. Infertile
Susan
Kristi
JJ
Carrie
NoSwimmers
Me :)

I'm so excited! I know it's gonna be tough and I'm going to be grumpy, but I'm excited that you guys are doing this with me. I think having support will make such a huge difference. For anyone else interested in participating, we're doing a 30-Day Get Healthy Challenge starting on Monday, November 12. We're doing this "a-la-carte" meaning anyway you want to get healthy and feel better. I'm doing a raw-food detox and drinking the green goo...lol If anyone else is interested in participating, leave a comment and I'll add you. Even if it's just 1 change you make like drinking a big bottle of water a day, it could have a huge impact. Let's feel better!!

So...does anyone have a plan of attack? Have a spouse/partner or friend that is willing to participate with you? My husband says he's going to do it with me, but you all remember the beet story...we'll see.

National Infertility Awareness Week

2007-11-07T21:53:00.000-05:00

November 4-10, 2007

Just a reminder: RESOLVE

Green Drinks

2007-11-07T11:23:00.000-05:00

There are 0 Freebie bracelets left

Again, please, please VOTE for MEL: here

In preparation for the 30-day get healthy challenge starting on November 12, I'm looking for healthy drinks. Dr. Oz has been on Oprah talking about healing the body through healthy foods and as I mentioned in another post, Kris Carr is a real inspiration. So the green drinks are all the rage! I need energy desperately, so I'm willing to try it. Here is Dr. Oz's recipe:

Dr. Oz's Green Drink recipe

4 Celery Stalks
1 Cucumber
1 Cup Spinach
1 Lemon
1 Lime
1 Large Apple
1/2 Inch Piece of Ginger
1/4 Cup chopped Parsley

Mix everything together in a juicer/blender and add ice! If you're accustomed to drinking really sweet drinks like I am, you may want to start out by adding unsweetened fruit juice, a carrot, additional apples or a banana. Look how great it looks in a martini glass...lol

If you can't see yourself making this, here are some other ready-made green drinks to try:
Green Machine by Naked (Nestle)--I've actually tried this and it's good.
Bolthouse Farms Green Goodness
Minute Maid Pomegranate Blueberry--Not green, but I just got this the other day and it's really good. Also, they are offering a money-back-guarantee if you don't like it.

Here's an article on introducing green drinks into your life.
Here's a great printable guide to pesticides and produce.
Here's info about the difference between a juicer and a blender.

I'm borrowing a juicer from someone that I will pick up this Saturday. As soon as I get the juicer, I'll let you all know how the "green crap" tastes :)

Getting Healthy for All

2007-11-06T12:33:00.000-05:00

There are only 2 Freebie bracelets left!

I was thinking about my post yesterday and I realized I don't want to exclude anyone. Instead of a 30-Day Infertility Get Healthy Challenge--Let's just call it a 30-Day Get Healthy Challenge. Ok? Ok :) All are welcome to participate.

Fergie asked if we can take a break on Thanksgiving day. I'm thinking yes. My goal is to feel better, healthier. Right now I feel like the bubbleman oompa-loompa. I want the energy everyone is talking about that comes from putting healthy foods into your body. I want to drink that green shit and feel like a new person! I definitely want to lose some of the poundage that is courtesy of infertility depression, but more important--I want to feel better. So do what you need to do in order to feel better during this challenge. If that includes Thanksgiving dinner--go for it! After all, if it makes you feel like shit to watch everyone else chomping down on "collard greens and corn bread, some candied yams, a little potato salad, fried chicken, peach cobbler and a few slices of ham" (anyone want to guess where that movie line is from?) then you're not feeling better :) Anyone else have thoughts on this?

30-Day IF Get Healthy Challenge

2007-11-05T10:40:00.000-05:00

There are 2 Freebie bracelets left.

I'm so glad that some of you are interested in doing this together. Bean suggested an IF (Infertility) Get Healthy Challenge and I think it's a great idea. If you're interested, send me an email: dmarie@ureach.com or comment and I'll list all the bloggers and non-bloggers that are participating.

OK--now for the details. I'm starting Monday, November 12th. Today I got the The Raw Food Detox book (read reviews on Amazon), which I'm going to look through over the next week and grocery shop to prepare. Personally, I want to keep some kind of online video diary. Cuz why not? lol So I gotta figure out how to do all that within the next week as well.

I gotta say I'm really nervous! If you're a regular reader, you know how I roll in the kitchen. Honestly, I eat some veggies a few times a week and I don't eat fruit unless it comes outta a can. The fruit isn't my fault though--fresh fruit makes me vomit. I swear. If I'm eating well and exercising, I can eat fresh fruit--otherwise I can't tolerate it. So hopefully I'll get past that portion quickly. I actually talked to a nutritionist about it once and she confirmed there are other weirdos out there like me :)

I so hope I don't fail. I can't believe I want to do this over the holiday season, but I feel like I'm constantly waiting for the perfect time and putting it off. Hey, if WE can get through the holidays--WE can do anything!

I'm doing a raw food-detox for my 30-days, but, of course, anyone that wants to participate should choose/design their own 30-day health challenge. Blog about it!! Lets see where it goes.

Here are a couple of links:
4-week raw food cuisine
How to Get Healthy in 30 days
Diabetic 30-day meal plan
Dr. Oz 14-day plan

Vote for Mel!

2007-11-04T13:05:00.000-05:00

Mel at Stirrup Queens is in need of your votes for the Weblog Award for best Medical/Health Issues blog. PLEASE go over and vote for her once a day/every 24-hours.

Show your support for the INFERTILITY community!!

Gimme a Break

2007-11-03T15:02:00.000-04:00

There are 8 Freebie bracelets left.

This morning I woke up with the image of someone choking a scale, and I couldn't figure out where it came from. Finally, I remembered. Someone trying to send me messages?? LOL

"Gimme a Break"

1983-87
Gimme a break, now I know what it takes.
I'm putting a new face on the old one
Ready for anything.

Playing with fate, not a moment too late.
I'm showing the whole world
Nothing can get me down.
Woo woo hoo!

Gimme a break,
Yeah yeah!
Gimme a break
'Cause I sure need one!

Gimme a break,
Yeah yeah!
I finally know where I belong.

Gimme a break,
Yeah yeah!
Gimme a break
'Cause I sure need one!

Gimme a break,
Yeah yeah!
I finally know where I belong.
Gimme a break!

30-days

2007-11-01T13:23:00.000-04:00

There are 12 Freebie bracelets left

Lately I've been thinking about doing something for 30-days. The something is kinda up in the air at the moment. I'm mainly attracted to this because I like the idea of an end-date and I need projects in my life. Short-term with quick results are best. Hey, what can I say? I know me and I may as well be honest if I want any chance of success. I'm thinking of doing something healthy that will make me feel good. I watched Crazy Sexy Cancer recently and I was really inspired by Kris Carr's story of healthy living through diet and exercise. Please watch the trailer for the film and visit her blog.

So I'm thinking a 30-day get healthy challenge of some sort. I have no idea where this will lead. Maybe I'll do video diaries. I dunno.

Funny thing. I was discussing this idea with my hubbs last night and I mentioned that I really don't like bean sprouts and didn't think I could see myself eating bowlfuls. He got all sanctimonious on me and said, "if you're going to do it then you have to do it it right." So then I mentioned beets which he hates and he says "oh, I don't think I could eat beets." He had a totally straight face too.

30-Day Get Healthy Challenge

2007-11-01T11:17:00.000-04:00

Here's a list of all the posts about this challenge:

30-Days
30-Day IF Get Healthy Challenge
Getting Healthy for All
Green Drinks
Getting to the Gettin'
Shopping for the Challenge
Day 1 of a Different Kind
Day 2 of Getting Healthy
Day 3 A Moving Experience
Day 4 of Get Healthy
Days 5 & 6 of Get Healthy
Day 7 Check your labels
Day 8 Pecking at the keys
Days 9-12
Days 13-14...maybe 15 too
Day 16 Feeling better
Day 17 Over halfway there
Days 18-19 Busy bee
Day 20
Day 21...A new juicer
Day 22...Back to basics
Days 23-24
Day 25...Show some support
Days 26-27...Expense of eating well

Links Galore!

2007-10-19T13:39:00.000-04:00

There are 13 Freebie bracelets left.

My hubby is coming home tonight!! Yay!! He's been complaining about the fast food diet he's been subjected to. I guess I'd better blow the dust off the pots and pans and put the ramen away.

Lisa Williams is back and I need to catch up on her shows. I really like her.

Casablanca was great! I actually liked this one. I must admit I have a problem when movies get suspenseful. I have to know what happens and usually hit fast-forward to the end. I did it with this movie too. Once they met for the 2nd time in the "saloon," I had to find out what was coming. Yeah, I know. I can't help myself. This movie seemed to have all the the most famous lines:
play it again Sam (although this isn't really the line)
you played it for her, you can play it for me
of all the gin joints in all the towns in the world...she walks into mine
SONG: As Time Goes By
we'll always have Paris
here's looking at you kid

It's nice to see where these famous lines come from. Peter Lorre was my favorite character.

As so many of you have suggested, To Kill a Mockingbird is next. Thanks again for the classic movie recommendations! It certainly did help pass the time while hubbs was gone. I must also mention that I saw "Why Did I Get Married?" and I loved it and will probably see it again with D. The woman sitting next to me cried almost the entire movie. For some reason I didn't? However, I was bawling watching "Happy to be Nappy and Other Stories of Me" on HBO yesterday. This one little boy describes being picked on by other kids b/c of a "funny accent" and another says he doesn't like to go outside b/c he's teased...ohhhh--my heart just melted. I couldn't take it. If you have kids--watch it with them. It really is a great little movie and it's not long.

Where in the World are the Bracelets?

2007-10-17T10:23:00.000-04:00

There are 34 Freebies left.

I thought it may be cool to see where these little bracelets are being rocked around the world. I created a map using Google maps of places I have mailed bracelets. If you made your own bracelet and your location is not marked on the map--send me an email and I'll add your home: infertility.bracelet@gmail.com. I'm doing basic map markers of States (in the US), Provinces in Canada and Countries.

View Larger Map

I hate bugs!!

2007-10-16T23:47:00.000-04:00

I hate bugs. I swear, they know this and seek me out. Every year we get some bugger that won't leave us the hell alone. I'm all for not killing living things unnecessarily, but the rule is--if you come in this house and you're a critter you must die. We have slugs coming up the walkway--I pour salt barricades. Yeah, I'm a mean heartless bitch and I don't care. I leave carcasses around so their little creepy crawly friends know what they're in for if they screw with me. Crickets I realllllly hate. With my husband gone--the official bug killer--it's a cricket spree around here! I can't freaking believe it. One actually made it up the stairs! This will not work. Someone has told me about a wonder cricket killer called Bayer. I'm gonna get some ASAP. There was even some creepy bug stuck to my bedroom shade??!! When I have to kill critters it's such a scene. There's screaming and jumping and shoes flying. A scene I tell you. I have no idea how I'm going to sleep tonight thinking there's shit crawling on me. I hate bugs. I'm not even that fond of butterflies. Actually, there is one bug I rather like and seek out--lightning bugs. Scratch that. I just looked them up and other than their glowing butt--up close they're scary too. I hate bugs. All of them.

Thanks! and Pay it Forward

2007-10-16T22:51:00.000-04:00

I want to thank everyone that sent me an email thanking me or wrote a post about receiving an infertility awareness bracelet. Your feedback has been so supportive. I really appreciate your kind words and support of the Infertility's Common Thread Awareness effort!

You ALL Rock!!!!!!!!!

As part of the Traveling DVD agreement, I'm using the freebie infertility bracelets as my "Pay It Forward."

From now on I'm going to keep a countdown at the top of how many freebie bracelets are left. My original pledge was to give away 100 free bracelets before they become $5 each with all the profit going toward infertility support and awareness. So get your requests in!

38Remaining Free Bracelets

Please remember to stop by Mel's blog to find out more about the bracelets and how this idea came about.

Traveling DVD: Oprah and Jenna

2007-10-13T13:03:00.000-04:00

Friday night I was really excited to reach into my mailbox and pull out The Traveling DVD. Popped it in Saturday morning and sat down with a notepad.

I immediately related to Jenna as her voice began to shake describing her dream of having 3 children some day. I too had that dream once-upon-a-time. Jenna described exactly what infertility does to you--the daily reminders, the feelings of being stuck and the shame. At the end of the segment, Oprah shook her hand and said "the best to you." Not I hope you get your baby or I wish you success in your treatment, but, "the best to you." At the end of the show, some of the women got a chance to say what they've learned in their 30s. The 37-year-old doctor said she was no longer "looking for a man to complete my life." Oprah responded by saying "good, that's the space to be in." I could almost feel the spotlight of her words directed to Jenna and Mike.

The "After the Show" portion was basically the entire room trying to convince Jenna that she needed to let go and let God bring her the miracle that is waiting. Which Oprah did say may or may not be a baby. Perhaps the Presidency of the United States or a million dollars is awaiting her. I don't know.

I really could go on and on about what was said, but this is what it boils down to--Jenna and Mike are not parents because it's not God's plan, and if there is a baby out there hovering around in the universe--it hasn't come yet because they are blocking their blessings by holding on to their dream. So any way you look at it--it's their fault. "The thing that's suppose to happen hasn't happened yet" Oprah said. Jenna is too busy designing her life. All of this was said right after Jenna was told she should not feel shame.

OK. I get it. I get that having faith is how people "make peace with it." Once you believe that "someone is pulling the strings" and has a master plan for you, you're able to make peace. I envy the faithful and struggle with my own. I wish I could look at children suffering and feel like there is a reason for it. I wish I could look at (Warning: graphic) children in Africa that have lost limbs and their parents over diamonds and feel like there's a reason for it. The Leadership Academy that has been built for girls by Oprah is probably going to save lives, but am I to believe that children have been made to suffer so that Oprah could grow up, get rich and open the school to find her purpose in life? I'm not minimizing what's she's done because it's absolutely incredible and may be more than I'll ever do, but I'm wondering what happens to the prayers of those that suffer? What happens to the prayers of those that DO let go and let God that end up suffering more? How can I feel so blessed while others suffer right before me?

People love a success story. I love a success story. We all love to hear about those that never gave up and pushed on in the face of tremendous obstacles to be rewarded in the end. We cheer for those people. We tell their stories to others and they get to be guests on Oprah. But what about the failures? What about those that fought just as hard or harder but still failed? You never hear about them. We don't praise them. What we do is tell them to "let it go" or tell them they just didn't work hard enough or want it enough. Blame again. Oprah told her "Color Purple story" of how she "surrendered" her dream to play the role of Sophia and minutes later found out she got the part. Where are the stories of surrender that didn't yield a miracle? I think these stories are told but usually with a it-didn't-happen-because-it-was-in-the-plan-and-things-are-much-better-now ending. It was said by one woman in the Today show segment. She adopted 2-children from Russia and said "this is why all my treatments failed."

Maybe making peace with it or surrendering means that you become OK with not getting what you wanted so badly. To me, that sounds like giving up re-gifted in pretty wrapping paper. When you feel like you've done all you can and you can't fight anymore--you give up. Most of us have a breaking point. A point we reach when we just can't take it anymore. In the infertility blogging community I'm sure we all know someone who has decided to live child-free because they just couldn't take this hell anymore. There's nothing wrong with that. You get there when and if you get there. Maybe Oprah should have given up on getting the film role when she was told by Steven Spielberg that Alfre Woodard had the part, but she didn't give up. You get there when and if you get there.

In the end it's a good thing there was the show last week and this show. Infertility Awareness is so important and the more it's talked about the more people feel less alone. Oprah is not a saint or a god and she is not perfect. None of us are perfect. She's a person just like the rest of us and she's entitled to her own opinions and views. I'm not going to look to Oprah to identify with my infertility struggle or to validate my feelings. She hasn't the slightest idea what this is like. And for me, that's OK.

If there is a master plan, everything we're doing now must be a part of it. We are all exactly where we should be--doing exactly what we should be doing. I'm at peace with that.

Randomness

2007-10-10T23:52:00.000-04:00

One less bell to answer...
Why is my husband gone again?? Ughhh. His company flew him home last Friday only to fly him back on Tuesday. Now he tells me he won't be home on Friday as planned. Hopefully by Wednesday of next week. WTF. I know lots of people spend significant time away from their spouses due to work travel, but I'm just not use to this shit.

Lost blogger
I left a message on a blog yesterday early AM of someone who was very nervous about having an HSG because her nurse told her that there would be "severe pain." I cannot for the life of me remember who it was! I wanted to check and see how things went--but I can't remember the blog. It's driving me nuts. Anyone know who this is?--Mystery solved. Thx Kate!

Pumpkin is mad
My cat is having behavioral problems I think. Every night, both pets are crated together b/c if we leave them out they tag-team and tear shit up and keep us up. Since D has been gone, the cat doesn't want to get into the crate. It's a fight every night and once in there he gives this look like he wants to scratch my eyes out. He has also went to the bathroom in his bed in the crate twice?!!! This morning was the second time. I got up and found him in bed with the dog. I'm gonna make an appointment with the vet today to make sure it's not a health issue.

Classic movies
I'm still doing the movie thing. Thanks for your classic suggestions! I didn't like "Streetcar Named Desire." The guy was an asshole and it was tough for me to get past that. It's funny cuz I don't think you see too many lead characters like that anymore. No redeeming qualities at all. But now I know where the famous Stellllllaaaaaa comes from. "Lawrence of Arabia" was veryyyy lonnnng. Almost 4-hours and D watched it with me. It was ok. So far I've probably liked it best out of the recent list. Like "Gone With the Wind," it's a huge film cinematography-wise.

Oprah and Infertility

2007-10-09T22:27:00.000-04:00

Did anyone see the show yesterday? The first couple featured have a surrogate in India carrying their biological child. According to the show, surrogacy here in the US costs upwards of $70,000, while in India it ranges from $6-12,000. Huge difference. Looking around online I found different numbers, but the bottom line is it's still a lot less in India. Oprah described the process as "women helping women." The money paid to the surrogate is like "winning the lottery." These women are able to better their lives and their families lives in such tremendous ways. Really inspiring story.

Alexis Stewart (Martha's daughter) was also on talking about her infertility struggle. She's been trying for a year to get pregnant using her own eggs and donor sperm at a cost of $28,000 a month which her mother helps pay for. At 42, she stressed finding out early if you're going to have infertility problems through testing. I strongly agree. It's important to know that getting pregnant at any age isn't always as easy as 1-2-baby. She also mentioned seeing celebs getting pregnant in their 40s isn't necessarily what it seems. So true. What I think people are going to have a problem with is Alexis' attitude. She insisted that the shots are no big deal and even demonstrated a real injection. She said that she handles her monthly IVF cycle as a business deal so that she can remain unemotional about it because if she didn't she'd be sad all the time. She was dry and detached from the process, but said her feelings on getting pregnant had nothing to do with her feelings on being a mother.

I really don't want to judge Alexis for her attitude. One thing infertility has done is made me try to stop judging people--especially those in the infertility community. Just because someone doesn't do what I would do or react how I would--I'm trying not to pass judgment. Trying. I know from experience that it doesn't feel good when someone looks at me and says "wow, if I were in your shoes I would have done IVF by now." As for Oprah, she hasn't experienced IF so I don't expect her to connect with this struggle. She is like anyone else that gives out ass-vise because they simply don't know any better and haven't been in my shoes. Plights often don't become important until we are personally touched by them or until they are so horrific we can't help but get pulled in. I'm just happy someone is talking about infertility in a big way.

One more thing--at the end there was one more couple on the show that only got a few minutes to tell their story--Tracey and Jamie. They had just put a 2nd mortgage on their home in order to do IVF. Tracy mentioned that her husband would be giving her the injections and she talked about how they were in this together. I kinda felt sorry for Alexis at that point. She is alone. I can't imagine not having someone to turn to when the walls are caving in around me.

It's beginning to look a lot...

2007-10-09T06:17:00.000-04:00

Like the freakin' holidays are-a-coming. I'm talking about Christmas here specifically. My husband likes to celebrate with a tree and all the trimmings. For a few years since we've been together I did the whole shebang. Tree, lights coming outta my ass, stuff in the windows, stairs wrapped, animals tortured into posing for holiday cards--and lets not forget the homemade gifts. That was then. That was before infertility. Now the holidays are a very sad reminder of what we don't have. The commercials with kids leaving Santa milk and cookies and opening gifts. The toy jingles. The baby's first Christmas items everywhere and on everything. I'm starting to get that familiar Grinch feeling and looking a bit like my annoyed cat pictured above. I want nothing to do with the holidays. Part of me is hoping I can snap outta it. The other part wants to go away and skip it all. Going away isn't an option this year however because my mom is coming up here. For. A. Month. Which reminds me that I need to get started on buying tickets for The Color Purple in NY and figure out if we're staying overnight. The tickets are expensive enough, but I don't want to tire everyone out walking around NYC all day and then expect them to do dinner and a show. I'm rambling. Talk about it more another day.

Reminder Today's Oprah: "Lisa Ling Investigates: Wombs for Rent. How far would you go to have a baby? Meet a woman halfway around the world who's pregnant with an American couple's baby. Then, why Martha Stewart's daughter spends almost $28,000 a month trying to make Martha a grandmother."

The Great Candy Exchange

2007-10-08T11:49:00.000-04:00

Another brilliant idea from Mel was the Candy Exchange. Over the weekend I received my candy-gram from Pam at Baby Wanted. Who-hoo!! I want to thank Pam for the lovely candy. It's so neat to get candy from other places. "Smarties" are completely different here in the US. The fruit chews are very similar to Mentos. I can't wait to try it all! I like cotton candy so much that D got me a cotton candy machine a few years back. So yeah, I'm a candy-a-holic. I love sweets and my dentist loves finding new cavities.

Watching movies & spreading the happy--literally

2007-10-03T20:52:00.000-04:00

So I'm all over my Netflix list since D is outta town. This past weekend I watched "Deja Vu," "The Way We Were" and "Bridge to Tarabithia." They were all ok. Bridge was sad. Deja makes you think a little. And Way was not what I expected. You know how you hear about movies being "classics" and there are always those quotes you don't get unless you've seen the classic movies like, "I don't know nothing 'bout birthing no babies" and "frankly my dear...I don't give a damn." "The Way We Were" is listed as a classic and described as a tear jerker. I don't get it. He never really loved her or appreciated her. I was glad she got away from his ass. So yeah, that was a disappointment. Now I've got "Lawrence of Arabia" and "A Streetcar Named Desire" coming my way. Anyone wanna look into the future and tell me whether or not I'm gonna like these two? Any classic recommendations?

So many have participated in the happiness challenge that it's made me think a bit. Think about what I can do to paint a lil sunshine into my life. I originally didn't participate in the first challenge cuz I just couldn't think of anything I could do. Really, I couldn't think of anything I could commit to doing. It's just where my mind is at this point. However, on Monday I came up with something. I will think about one thing each day that has made me happy or made me smile. I read something someone wrote, maybe on Mel's blog, that said happiness is little things strung together. I think that's true. I'm not saying this lil effort will turn my life around, but it may just help sprinkle some light into the darkness.

Today I went to Whole Foods and you know how there's always those sample people tempting with savory treats. They got my ass good today! There was a pumpkin loaf with ginger cream cheese. Ooooooo yummmm! I shared half the loaf and the cream cheese with my neighbors. It made me feel good to share something. That's my happy today.

For those of you that have tried to request a bracelet and had your email bounce--please send an email to dmarie @ ureach dot com (without the spaces). I have no idea why this is happening with gmail. If you have sent a request and you didn't get a response back for me, I didn't receive your request.

Gramps

2007-09-30T17:46:00.000-04:00

I remember there were times when I was a little girl that my grandmother would cry because she missed her mother, who had died when my mother was young, which was many years before I was born. As a child, whenever I saw her crying because she missed her mother, I just couldn't understand. I thought it was strange that something that happened so long ago could still bring her to tears. It wasn't until she died that I finally understood. It wasn't until I lost someone so close to me that I got it. It wasn't until I found myself still crying for her long after she was gone.

I don't think you can understand the pain of infertility unless you've experienced it. You can sympathize, you can feel sorry for, but you can't understand it.

I'm re-posting this cuz its been that kind of weekend:

Somebody Said......* written by Unknown

Somebody said "Just adopt; you'll get pregnant." This somebody doesn't know how it feels to try to figure out where to get the money for an adoption.

Somebody said "If it is meant to be, it will happen." This somebody never cried walking past the diaper section at the grocery store.

Somebody said "You've got more time to spend together--be thankful." This somebody never stayed up until two in the morning arguing about ovulation charts.

Somebody said "Just relax and it will happen." Somebody never had their doctor tell them that after the age of 30, chances of becoming pregnant decrease significantly.

Somebody said "You shouldn't complain about something that you can't control." This somebody never wondered whose eyes and hair color the baby would have and then never found out.

Somebody said " You have more time to get a better education now." Somebody doesn't know what a short luteal phase is or what polycystic ovarian syndrome is or an irregular cycle or what male factor is.

Somebody said "You cant miss something you never had." This somebody doesn't know what its like to cry him or herself to sleep in an empty nursery.

Somebody said "You should try reading some books; there's got to be something else you can try." This somebody never tried standing on her head or drinking cough syrup when she's not sick.

Somebody said "Take one of my kids, I don't need them all." This somebody never tried to adopt, only to have the birth mother change her mind.

Somebody said "I'd sell everything I owned to get kids if I had to." This somebody never had to.

Somebody said "The hardest part of not having kids is not getting the tax deduction." This somebody never started her period at a baby shower.

Somebody said "A career is more important than being a mother." This somebody never wanted to be a mom.

Somebody said "If you don’t have kids, you're not missing anything." This somebody never went through infertility.

*I got this from another blog that has since gone PWP. I have no idea where it originated. If you know where this came from originally, please let me know so I can give credit.

Ramen & bracelets

2007-09-27T17:55:00.000-04:00

I first had ramen noodles on a cruise. They were on the 24-hour room service menu and a wonderful treat at 2am. My favorite flavor is "Oriental." Recently I've been craving them so the next week will be noodle-filled. While D is away the cook is on vacation. I didn't really cook until I met him and decided to learn. Now I enjoy doing it. For. Him. Maybe I'll do a pizza on my stone. Maybe. Ooo, I may do some cupcakes too. What's better than ramen and buttercream icing?

I mailed out the last of the bracelets today. Everyone that has requested one has been mailed one. From the US to Canada to England to South Africa! Infertility Awareness is going global! If for some reason you requested one and don't receive it--please let me know.

Dh is leaving

2007-09-26T13:37:00.000-04:00

On a jet plane...for 9-days! I'm very sad he's gone. This is the longest we've been away from each other since we met six years ago, so I'm really going to miss him. However, this is the 1st time in 3-years that we will have absolutely no chance of getting pregnant!! I'm giddy. Isn't that silly? There will be no devil sticks--ovulation or pg--of any kind. Wow. I was sad at first, but then relieved. We officially have the month off from TTC. What will I do with myself?

As for what's next, I'm making yet another appointment with a new RE. We're due for a new SA and want to try an un-medicated IUI. Yes, we know our chances--but we're doing it anyway. I'm not sure which RE we're going to pick for the IUI. Choices, choices, choices. Since D will have to provide a sample for the IUI which will be analyzed, we'll kill 2 procedures at once. Then on to lovely IVF. Not sure if it's going to be NC-IVF (natural cycle), MS-IVF (minimum stimulation) or regular IVF. Decisions, decisions, decisions. We're also thinking about beginning the adoption process as well. Although I'm very nervous about it. I see lots of potential adoptive parents have Websites and monthly agency fees--wow. We're considering foreign adoption. Anyway, as you can see--there's lots of baby convo going on around our home. Which is a lot better than the usual of me crying and saying nothing is wrong.

I'm so glad you guys are receiving your bracelets!! And then posting about it makes this even more wonderful :) Spreading the word is a wonderful thing!

Can anyone guess what city D is in from the pic above?

DC/MD/VA Area GTG

2007-09-22T10:27:00.000-04:00

For those of you in the DC area, we're having another get together this Sunday. If you're interested, please stop by LJ's blog to leave your info and get more details!

9/23, 11am-2:30
La Madeleine

11858 Rockville Pike, Rockville 20852

Rockville Pike & Montrose

TEL: 301-984-2270

See you Sunday!!

Another food post

2007-09-19T10:24:00.000-04:00

I'm finding these fun for some odd reason. I'm not sure why. Last night was mac and cheese night. Another winner from Allrecipes.com. Melissa I'm so glad to hear you are now addicted lol! Again, I love this site b/c of the feedback. I read what others have recommended and I make adjustments. I also look for recipes with the highest ratings/most reviews.

Warning: This one is NOT for the faint of heart. Or those on a diet or with any kind of cholesterol issues.

Four Cheese Macaroni and Cheese

Now, in all honesty, I've never been a fan of Velveeta. However, this recipe calls for it and it helps make it delish! Creamy. I couldn't find the shredded versions of a couple of the cheeses, so I diced slices.

Yes, honey, it does indeed call for a stick of butter +. Like I said, if you're on a diet...

I think it's really important to season the pasta. I added herbs, salt and pepper. Whenever I say "herbs" I'm using one of those Italian herb blends. I use it in practically everything but my cereal.

Ready for the oven! I always sprinkle breadcrumbs on the top. I do love a crunch :)

Bubbling brown yummyness!!

Yes, it's dripping with cheese!

Everyone should be happy to learn I'm back on the sauce. Here's one of my favorites. It's made from the Muscadine grape and is produced in North Carolina by Duplin Winery.

No mystery

2007-09-16T21:33:00.000-04:00

It's cd1 and I tend to go into my hole at this point. Monthly. So yeah, that's all. I'm definitely going to be catching up on your blogs and commenting away the next few days :)

Anyway, I just finished reading 2, count 'em--TWO--books on infertility. The first I read was "Conception Chronicles" by three friends Patty, Shelly and Courtney. This book definitely has some humor to it, and in my humble opinion, is mostly geared toward couples that are 6-months to 1-year into TTC unsuccessfully. Or for those that have been trying longer than that and have not seen a doctor or reproductive endocrinologist. So yeah, I'm 3-years, 2 gyno's, 3 urologists, and 3 RE's into this freakin' mess of the millennium. I got the basics totally covered.

The other book I read was Jenna's book, "The Empty Picture Frame." I love this book. It really is a testament to exactly what you go through when dealing with IF. Totally honest and accurate. Even though I haven't had an IUI or gone through IVF...yet, I could still totally relate to Jenna's struggle. I read her words and felt her pain as though it were my own. The book caused me to think deeply about IVF and ask what if it doesn't work? Like most of us, I never expected getting pregnant and having a baby would be this hard. We're taught as children that hard work equals success. IF isn't like that and eventually you learn that life doesn't owe you shit. Anyway, you can purchase Jenna's book through her Website. I highly recommend it. Plus, a portion 0f books sales goes to Infertility Support when you buy it through Jenna's Store.

Here's our* empty picture frame. It's been on our hallway wall for a couple of years now. Sad isn't it? And what's even sadder it that there is no guarantee there will ever be a picture in that empty spot.

*Pics of my husband and I as newborn babies in the hospital and in our cribs.

Somewhere over the Rainbow

2007-09-15T10:33:00.000-04:00

I just can't say much of anything. Blog ya next week sometime.

Coming from my kitchen live

2007-09-09T14:45:00.000-04:00

I'm so lazy!! I haven't wanted to cook (or really do anything) for the last couple of weeks. Imagine that. Also, I've given up booze and gained a few pounds. Yes, eating has replaced the little liquor habit. Maybe I need the booze to inspire me t0 cook? After all, I do tend to share with my pots and pans.* I dunno. D is happy I'm not sloshed in the evenings when he gets home. Whatever. cd24

I'm going to be mailing the free bracelets this week! Who-hoo! So look for them to arrive in a mailbox near you!

Today's meal**: Chicken Pot Pie

Here are the boiling peas, carrots and chicken. I put 2 chicken bouillon cubes in the water with lots of herbs and seasonings. I like my food to have lots of flavor, and I use the leftover stock in the recipe.

Instead of one whole chicken pot pie, I like to make individual ones. I used pie crusts with mini-loaf pans. This recipes makes exactly 3.

Here's the final. Eat in the pan or turn upside down on the plate to dump out contents. Yum!

UltimateJourney am I making you hungry again? :)

*Ummm...yeah, I added Marsala to this recipe :) But none for me...hmphhh.
**I get most of my recipes from Allrecipes.com. I love it because people leave reviews and the reviews are soooo helpful; especially to someone like me that likes to tweak.

Worried for my friend Updated

2007-09-07T15:51:00.000-04:00

Her first beta was 250 and then the 48hr beta was 260. Ughhh. Not good news. Her progesterone was 19--isn't that a little low? My progesterone after I ovulate hovers around 23, so 19 seems low to me for pregnancy? Shit.

*Her level dropped to 60. I'm so sad for her.

What do you say?

2007-09-04T23:00:00.000-04:00

What do you say when someone asks "when are you going to have kids?" I had this happen to me at the post office this morning. D has a cousin that works at the post office. He said hello and then goes on to tell me about his 3rd son just born. I know he's happy and all, and to a "normal" person it probably wouldn't be a big deal, but he was talking to me. And then he goes and does it, "so when are you guys gonna get started?" To which I responded, "well, you know, not everyone can just pop 'em out like biscuits." His face kinda went limp and I could tell he didn't really know what to say. So my question is--what do you say?? How do you respond? Part of the point of Common Thread is to get more of a discussion going about infertility and to take the shame out of discussing it with non-infertiles. But can you do it? And how do you do it?

What's shakin'

2007-09-04T07:49:00.000-04:00

Umm...so Cheesecake Factory has a new cake/torte--Lemoncello Torte. De-lish!!! It's ridiculously good. If you've ever had limoncello (which I've made using this recipe) it doesn't taste anything like it. More like lemon meringue. Anyway, run on out and score yourself a piece of this lovely sunshine.

One of my best friends called to tell me she is pregnant. I knew it was coming and I'm very happy for her, but of course, I'm sad at the same time. She's been trying for over a year and I mentioned her in this post on ovarian drilling. Turns out she ovulated on her own after a year+ of being on Clomi.d (which usually didn't work). Her RE discovered last year, almost immediately, she is hypo-thyroid* and put her on meds for it. Finally at HER insistence, he tested her again last month. Guess what--meds weren't helping the thyroid problem. Doc increases her dosage and BOOM! She ovulates and is now pregnant! Goes to show that you have to trust yourself and do your own research.

I'm so glad that you guys are responding the Free Infertility Bracelet offer. I really appreciate the kind comments and encouragement I've received as a result. I'm so happy to be doing something to support infertility awareness and my husband is wearing a bracelet too. Please keep the requests coming! I still have bracelets to give away!

Don't forget to include your address with your request so I know where to send your bracelet.

*BTW, she doesn't have weight issues like many hypothyroid patients. She's very tiny. Doc also diagnosed her with PCOS. Don't let your doctor tell you that you don't need to be tested because you don't fit the typical "mold."

Infertility's Common Thread Freebie Updated

2007-08-27T12:18:00.002-04:00

*FREE bracelets have all been given away!*

Make you OWN bracelet: Instructions HERE

When I first started blogging and discovered Mel's blog, I learned about Infertility's Common Thread. It's a bracelet that you wear to show support and help raise awareness for Infertility (IF). I'm offering to send 100 FREE bracelets to anyone who wants one. After the first 100, the bracelets will be for sale with 100% of the profit going to an IF Charity. More information on purchasing a bracelet will be available in the next few weeks. Please check back!

The catch. Always read the fine print.
Once you receive your FREE bracelet, please include a link back to Infertility's Common Thread and put the Icon on your blog.

If you don't blog, consider including links back to the site in your email signature. Every little mention helps spread the word.

"The pomegranate* thread holds a two-fold purpose: to identify and create community between those experiencing infertility as well as create a starting point for a conversation. Women pregnant through A.R.T., families created through adoption, or couples trying to conceive during infertility can wear the thread, identifying themselves to others in this silent community. At the same time, the string serves as a gateway to conversations about infertility when people inquire about its purpose. These conversations are imperative if we are ever to remove the social stigma attached to infertility.Tie on the thread because you’re not alone. Wear to make aware." from Infertility's Common Thread

Again, visit Infertility's Common Thread for more info on pomegranates and fertility. Find out how this movement started!

To receive a bracelet, send an email with your info to: infertility.bracelet@gmail.com

*For those that are worried about this bracelet being mistaken for a red Kabbalah bracelet, put your worries to rest. The color is not at all red. It's more maroon and purple. Like the seeds of a pomegranate.
For those of you that have tried to request a bracelet and had your email bounce--please send an email to dmarie @ ureach dot com (without the spaces). I have no idea why this is happening with gmail. If you have sent a request and you didn't get a response back for me, I didn't receive your request.

*FREE bracelets have all been given away!*

Rockin' Girl Blogger

2007-08-24T12:27:00.000-04:00

Lub over at Quest for a Baby and Chili over at Waiting on Two Pink Lines have nominated lil o' me for a Rockin' Girl Blogger Award. I'm really excited! Why? Well, it's so nice to know that people actually read and like what you write. This couldn't have come at a better time. I was just saying to D (this week in fact) that I wasn't sure how I was feeling about continuing to blog. Sometimes I think/know my posts are so depressing. After my Pursuit of Happiness post, I felt like real crap. I don't want to come off as this depressed sad little person. Even though I am a lot of the time...lol I just gotta remember that blogging is for me, to help me sort out my feelings. I hope that my honesty, even when it isn't pretty, can help others feel not so alone.

Since I was nominated twice, I'm going to nominate 10 other Rockin' Girl Bloggers in no particular order :) Sorry if you've already been nominated!

Shelby at A Sibling for Celia--She is one of the first bloggers that reached out to me. Even offered to teach me how to knit!
Lunar at Fertility Futility--I've know her (online) almost as long as I've been dealing with IF. She's been through so much, and I'm glad she made it!!
Sunny at My Journey Towards my Little Miracle--Online and IRL she's a blast!
Carrie at Precious Little--I love her honesty.
Ultimate Journey at Still Trying After all Those Pills--She's an inspiration and has a really positive and thoughtful perspective.
Forever Hopeful at Wishing it Would Get Easier--I just love her posts. I love what her sister is doing for her.
Lea Bee at Not How I Planned It--The kitty pics crack me up! Plus she plays Ultimate and is pretty Rockin' IRL.
Trace at 1 Hardy Swimmer--I'm new to her blog, but I can already see how strong and brave she is.
Helene at Motherhood Bound--I admire her Faith so much.
Melinda at Living in Florence, Italy--Her blog is where I visit on days when I want to run away. This is where I'd go. (crap, the secret is out!...lol)

Now I gotta figure out how to put that little Rockin' icon to the left...

She works hard for the money!

2007-08-23T21:10:00.003-04:00

I have a new respect for stri.ppers. Good grief! Class was tough. I doesn't help that I'm outta shape. If you've ever done Yoga, it's that kind of hard because you have to hold the positions and maintain control. I think this class and walking/running should do my body good. If anyone in this area (MD, DC, VA) is interested in going, I'll be glad give you the info. Apparently, I need to get stri.pper shoes. The higher the better...lol My instructor was wearing shoes like these beauties:

I can't even imagine walking in these things, but she was wearing those shoes while working a chair like nobody's business! And can I just say that stri.ppers deserve every penny they get! The shit is hard. This particular class focuses on your moves and uses a chair at the end to show off all your skills. How can I explain this...there's a lot of hip rolling and rocking and using your arms to pretty much feel yourself up...lol Not really, but you do a lot of feeling your body. There's also the floor stuff. One move left me falling flat on my ass! And next time I need to make sure I wear a sports bra. I almost gave myself a black eye. I had no idea there would be jumping involved. Anyway, I'll definitely be going back.

There are videos you can buy that teach ex.o.tic dance. Here's one I found on YouTube:

Stri.pper Class

2007-08-23T12:52:00.001-04:00

So tonight I have my first str.ipper class. Ok...it's actually called "ex.otic moves," but that's just a nice way of saying it. No, I'm not making a career change...lol. I'm excited. Kinda. I'm doing something. For me :) I've been planning to go for a while, but with both our cars in the shop it hasn't been practical. Hopefully this will be a fun way of exercising. We'll see...

Pursuit of Happiness

2007-08-21T12:56:00.000-04:00

I feel like I've always been a little depressed. My mom was (still is) depressed when I was a child and so was my grandmother. I'm an only child and I lived with both of them for the majority of my childhood until around age 12 or so when my mom bought a house. So there you have it. There has always been a sadness, heaviness. It seems major stressful events send me into that deep dark place. IF has done it. I'm constantly in that place. The hole. I come out at times when I see some hope, but then right back in when those hopes are dashed and I dig a little deeper each time. I sometimes feel so guilty for wanting a child so badly when I feel like I'm such a mess. It's like knowing what's right and running toward wrong. I have hopes that this magic baby will cure me. After all, not being able to have a baby is what has helped send me here. But then logic says what if there is no magic baby cure? What if I'm still depressed but worse? Shouldn't I find happiness now?

Mel posted yesterday about trying to be happy in the meantime. I know that I feel a lot better when I'm actually doing something proactive to get pregnant. More feelings of being in control, I suppose. The things that are in my control, I'm working on--exercising, working more. I wish I felt like I could take some kind of break and dedicate myself to me. But I can't do that. I won't do that. It's gonna have to be a joint project.

Happiness doesn't really feel tangible to me. Neither does sadness. I have things that can change my mood. Music is one of the biggest mood adjusters for me. I can go from feeling like total crap to screaming "C'est la Vie" (by Robbie Nevil) and all seemingly becomes sunshine. Sometimes I feel like a fake. I'll play with D and joke with him, or go out to dinner with new friends and smile and carry-on conversations like I don't have a worry in the world. But let me see a mother, or a story on the news of an abandoned baby and I can produce real tears in less than 10 seconds. Moods are one thing, happiness is another.

If someone asked me what has been the happiest time in my life--I wouldn't have an answer. I've had happy moments. Flashes. Like pictures in my mind. But there are no periods. So how can I get there, or even can I get there? I have no idea really, but I know I won't be happy without children. I'm not going to try and fool myself into thinking I can have this full wonderful child-free life. Is there a way to somehow solve my depression before children? I don't know that either. But I'm still fighting for my chance to be a mother. I have to believe that I deserve to be a mother. I have to believe that for now, it's enough that I'm still in this fight and willing to continue.

Pic from Cute Overload.

Does any of this make sense? I feel like I'm rambling...lol

Weekend wrap-up

2007-08-20T12:40:00.000-04:00

I had lovely time with all the DC Stirrup Queens at The Melting Pot. As always! Can't wait until September 23 for the next one!

My Jeep is still sick, but outta the shop for now. I'll have to take it back "once it's gets worse." Lovely.

One of my favorite dishes is what D and I refer to as Tuna Puna. It's grits, tuna and turkey bacon all mixed together. Fish and grits is a really common dish in the south, but tuna and grits is what's common in my house. Everyone I've convinced to try it has loved it. Anyway, I was making Tuna Puna and my animals were stalking me as usual so I decided to snap some pics. Pretty funny. At least to me and D.

The ingredients:

Grits, tuna and crumbled turkey bacon

The stalkers:

Pumpkin and Shelbie waiting for tuna. They listen for the can opener and then come bolting into the kitchen.

The finicky eater:

He sniffs it and if it doesn't meet his special kitty criteria he just looks at it like it's going to change. And then he looks at me with such disgust for attempting to try and feed him something so clearly no up to his standards. What kind of cat rejects tuna??

Finished:

Just mix and eat up!

Now I know no one will make this based on this post, but I thought I'd share anyway.

Bella Vida

Skiing and Sundance...again

Awesome

Rush Rush

Grout, Whoops and Complaint

Old news

Tile step-by-step

Oil Infusions

New Toy

NKOTB

Dream Angels

Umm...

Positive False Hope

Sad News

More Kitty

Update

Cat Update

no title

Today I'm Tired

Blogher and Infertility

Mememememe

Monday, Monday

Todays bits

Quick Updates and Q&A

Progress

Wordle

Another salad

DIRECTIONS

Bribing the neighbors

Working weekend

Stamp out infertility

Welcome to rambles

I'm addicted...

Yep, another post about Charlotte

Summer Salads

Back to reality

Thoughts on Hawaii

Sex...the movie

Ooo-la-la

Is this thing on??

I'm Back!

Ski and Sundance

Better and still green

Cough***Hack***Blow

Day 30! We did it!!

Days 28-29...almost there

Days 26-27...Expense of eating well

Day 25...Show some support

Days 23-24

Day 22...Back to basics

Day 21...A new juicer

Day 20

Days 18-19 Busy bee

Day 17 Over halfway there

Day 16 Feeling better

Days 13-14...maybe 15 too

Days 9-12

Day 8 Pecking at the keys

Day 7 Check your labels

Days 5 & 6 of Get Healthy

Day 4 of Get Healthy

Day 3...a moving experience

Day 2 of Get Healthy

Day 1...of a different kind *Updated*

Shopping for the challenge

Bracelets are GONE!! More info

Getting to the Gettin'

National Infertility Awareness Week

November 4-10, 2007

Green Drinks

Getting Healthy for All

30-Day IF Get Healthy Challenge

Vote for Mel!

Gimme a Break

30-days

30-Day Get Healthy Challenge

Links Galore!

Where in the World are the Bracelets?

I hate bugs!!

Thanks! and Pay it Forward

CoughHackBlow

Day 1...of a different kind Updated

Worried for my friend Updated

Infertility's Common Thread Freebie Updated